Something's Wrong With Esther

Masterpiece Classic is done for the season

2010-04-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sadly, Masterpiece Classic is over and Mystery is starting up for the summer; I don't watch that third of MT so I have to wait for the fall and Masterpiece Contemporary to start.

Classic finished with a bang, that is the bombs of WWII London. Small Island was the story of the Empire, the colonial experience, the wartime and postwar experience, and gender roles in Britain. Jamaican colonists served the mother country during the war and a few fell in love with British women, lonely without their husbands. Such was the story of Queenie, who fell in love with a Jamaican soldier. After becoming pregnant by him and realizing her husband left her, she takes in two Jamaican newlyweds as boarders. Hortense and Gilbert are proud people but face the harsh reality that the Yanks introduced racism in Britain and it's not going away. In the end, Queenie's husband returned in shame, but Queenie vows to work on her marriage and gives her baby to Hortense and Gilbert, who start a bountiful life together.

Masterpiece had a darker, twentieth century focus this year, as promised. Return to Cranford failed to capture the magic of its predecessor, but was a warm story nonetheless. Emma continued with the nineteenth century, and according to rumors is the last Austen story to get a treatment in a while. I loved it. The 39 Steps was ok, but not good. I skipped Sharpe, having not seen the previous installments. The Diary of Anne Frank was another wonderful story, and was aptly followed by the WWII drama Small Island. No long series this time; Emma was three installments and Small Island two, but other than that, we weren't treated to the 5 parters that made Masterpiece a name for itself.

The Best of the This Season:

1) Emma

2) The Diary of Anne Frank

3) Small Island

4) Return to Cranford

5) The 39 Steps

Sharpe, didn't watch; Persuasion and Northanger Abbey were repeats.

I don't mind the modern series but I'm hoping for more period pieces come next winter/spring.

Track of the Week

2010-04-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

"Rain On Me" by Cheryl Cole from the album 3 Words

Cheryl Cole returns to our blog this week with Rain On Me, the rumored 4th single from her debut album. Cheryl's voice isn't the best but she really belts it out on this song. I thought I'd offer up a more upbeat ballad than Change from last week. Rain On Me has a buoyant beat and an uplifting melody with lyrics that are reminiscent of Madonna's Rain, though without the overt sexual connotation. No video yet, so here's the song.

Other songs I'm enjoying at the moment are the epic "Outta My Head" and "I Got You" by the indomitable Leona Lewis, the fun-time song "Let's Get Crazy" by Miley Cyrus, and the rocking "Wrong Baby Wrong" by Martina McBride. I'm thoroughly sick of "Telephone" by Lady GaGa and Beyonce, and it's disgusting protect placement advertisement, er, music video. I'm over Ke$ha: "Tik Tok," "Blah Blah Blah," "Your Love is My Drug" and "Kiss and Tell," while fun electro-pop, are really the anthems of a culture I'm not too keen on. Christina Aguilera released "Not Myself Tonight," earning 'you copied GaGa' cries, but the song is just so bad to earn any comparison to anything other than a rubbish heap. Her froggish vocals are no match for the beats. Speaking of GaGa, she promises her 2010 release will be her best yet. While I am excited for new music, I'm over her whole 'grateful to the fans' persona and weirdness, she's someone I don't admire as a person, but I like her tunes. Kylie announced the June release of her new single, "All the Lovers" produced by the maverick behind Madonna's comeback album Confession on a Dance Floor, and the album is to follow in July. I'm over the moon. I've heard Coldplay has tackboards up in a studio whittling down which tracks to put on their new album, and Britney is 70% done with recording her seventh, according to some record label person on twitter. Meanwhile, the Queen is not recording any material, at all, despite rumors to the contrary. Give it to her to wait years to release something new, let's hope it's a right proper album and not pandering to a market that already changed like the last one. Let her enjoy her Kaballah-water AC in the meantime.

The Mothman Cometh: A True Story

2010-04-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Mothman is a Sci-Fi-Horror film about Point Pleasant, West Virginia. Local legend has it that settlers fought an Indian chief, Cornstalk, whose last act of retribution was to summon evil and turn into Mothman, basically a moth-like grim reaper. Fast forward to today and six friends are yanking one of their little brother under water, just to tease him. But he drowns and they cover it up by bashing his head in, one by one. Being a righteous daemon, the mothman cometh only when evil-doers get away with gruesome acts. In gory twists and turns, the mothman enters our world through mirrors (his version of portals include rear-view mirrors, drivers beware) and pick of the six friends.

Mothman is satisfying in that the six friends were so wicked that it was great seeing them get their just desserts. The Mothman CGI wasn't horrid like most of Syfy Channel's effects, and the gore was delightful, especially a line of guts sliding down a trailer. The acting wasn't exactly award-winning but it served its purpose. On the other hand, the costume department left something to be desired, the film was shot in an odd yellow hue, and Frank (the creepy old man character) was ridiculously deceiving.

Better yet, the Mothman Myth is real. So is Point Pleasant. So is the sightings and bridge accident of 1967. This adds a dimension of realism to the film, and an eeriness. Citizens of Point Pleasant still insist Mothman is real. Just as in the film, Point Pleasant commemorates Mothman at the yearly Mothman festival.

Mothman is worth the gore and CGI; the added layer of true elements makes the film worth a watch.

American Zombie

2010-04-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

American Zombie is the story of the zombie community in Los Angeles. A mockumentary, comedy, and issues film, American Zombie slightly humorously follows several fictional zombies, or revenants as they prefer to be called. I didn't know that this film was actually supposed to be a statement about racism or civil rights going into it, but that became clear as the film progressed.

The fictional zombies themselves are mildly funny. Judy, an asian zombie, tries the hardest to hold onto her human past. She collects cat statues, makes scrapbooks, works at an organic food company, and is searching for a human boyfriend. Lisa, by far the funniest, is a florist who specializes in funeral arrangements while pursuing her not-so-good art. Ivan, a dud of a character, is a teenager that happens to be a zombie. Joel (pronounced ho-el) is the founder of ZAG, Zombie Advocacy Group, which puts on Live Dead, a zombie Woodstock. What happens at Live Dead is the big twist of the film...

The film is told from the perspective of real life documentary filmmakers Grace Lee and John Solomon, who are parodying themselves. This is another theme of the movie that some viewers may find pretentious, in that American Zombie is something of a tongue-in-cheek diatribe on documentary film-making. Many reviews I've read have claimed it's boring, and that's a fair assessment but the humor is more quiet and not a goofy in-your-face attempt at garnering laughs. The other biggest complaint is that the last third of the film takes a serious turn, but that's the point and I didn't mind it. The events of Live Dead shift the documentary's focus both in the film and the film itself. Also, there is so much foreshadowing to the climax that I don't know why people didn't see it coming.

I recommend this film if you have nothing better to do, but thankfully it's not too long. It's a wee bit boring but there's some twists that make it possibly worthwhile in the end. Perhaps that was part of the point, in that some documentaries can be hideously boring (read: Food, Inc. Waste of time!)

Track of the Week

2010-04-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

"Change" by Carrie Underwood from the album Play On

Carrie's voice is perfect and soaring. On this song, about how an everyday person can make extraordinary changes only if they're willing, Carrie belts out an inspirational song. The violin backing music doesn't overwhelm her, but instead bolsters up the already emotional tune.

Carrie preformed it on Idol Gives Back last night and it was a show-stopper. Carrie is blessed with such a beautiful voice. It's not a single, but I think it should be after "Undo It" inevitably tops the country chart. There's no video, so this is Carrie's performance from last night.

Country may be cliche, but songs like this prove that uplifting messages can transcend genres. Carrie is an angel.

Rant: Remakes, and to a lesser extent, 3D

2010-04-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

BSG: the Best TV Show Ever (Why Remake It?)

I sadly discovered that Bryan Singer is set to direct a Battlestar Galactica movie. BSG was riveting and science fiction (and television) at its best. With series and season long story-arcs like the X-Files, BSG was done right because it focused on amazing, deep, well-developed characters and amazing, deep, well-developed storylines. The show basically was about what it took humans from worlds destroyed by the cylons to survive while being aggressively pursued; throw in a heavy amount of spiritual and technological themes and you have as a sublime a television show as you’d ever get. And the ending was mind-blowing and very academic too. The need for a movie that has nothing to do with the remake series is lost on me. Why remake something that’s already been remade so well that you can’t possibly surpass it? Even the original 70s series (fans of campy scifi with like it) was sued by George Lucas for being way too similar to Star Wars. And do we have to be subjected to the inevitable 3D!

And this year alone a remake of a new movie is being pumped out. In this case, it’s a remake of the upcoming (hopefully) romcom (of the year) The Back Up Plan. Starring Jennifer Aniston, The Switch is a romcom about a woman who gets artificially inseminated. Uh, hello, strong J-Lo! J-Lo’s starring in exactly the same plot in her movie. Next thing you know, Jennifer Aniston’s turkey baster is going to pop out at you in 3D. The only thing about the Switch is that it’s based on a short story by a Pultizer Prize winner, so it may be deeper than The Back Up Plan. Though I’m a fan of Jenn, I have to side with J-Lo in this one. (Soundtrack suggestion: use So Hard by the Dixie Chicks, a heartbreaking song about the Chicks’ struggle to get pregnant.)

To be fair, a good portion of movie goers and critics were lukewarm to Clash of the Titans. My personal enjoyment of the film aside, we didn’t really need a remake. The original is iconic and its effects hold up to today. The story was better executed in the original, and the addition of the mechanical owl gave the movie an R2D2-eque character.

What Hollywood needs is originality. I’m certainly not hating on remakes (Dawn of the Dead and My Bloody Valentine were great) but just calling for some freshness in Century City.

Peter and Vandy: An Adventure into Indie Land

2010-04-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

I had been on a misanthropic kick toward hipsters as of late, so in an attempt to temper that I decided to plunge into their world by watching an indie flick that was recommended to me through Netflix Instant. "Peter and Vandy" is a very short film (just over an hour) that has earned comparisons to the more mainstream 500 Days of Summer. Instead of breaking up in the end like in 500 Days of Summer, Pete and Vandy wind up getting back together. I liked how optimistic the ending was because it was unpretentious.

Peter and Vandy was neither good nor bad. It was so realistic that it was deeply unsettling and there were many raw scenes juxtaposed with warmer ones. Peter and Vandy was a memory narrative similar to La Vie En Rose, in that it had non-linear narrative structure composed of Peter and Vandy's collective memory. The dialogue was all realistic, save in the artsy part when they drifting apart from each other figuratively and mentioned having to walk to stores in the opposite direction (Peter even says "I'd walk with you, but I have to go the other way.") Peter was selfish, and Vandy was a little too good, and together they were very "Manhattan-urban-trendy-mildly-counter-culture." That was the part that tested my chagrin, but in the spirit of my adventure in watching this film, I really worked hard to suspend my irritation and wound up going along with the gamut of emotions in this film.

It's a brief but too perfect look at people who can too neatly work out their problems. On the other hand, it's very realistic that it's actually disturbing but winds up nicely. I liked the movie but I'd sooner watch Twilight. I never lied, I'm a mainstream junkie!

The Diary of Anne Frank

2010-04-13T18:57:00.001-07:00

Masterpiece Classic aired the two hour new adaptation of "The Diary of Anne Frank" on Sunday. This was a really moving and powerful adaptation of the young Jewess' diary of the trials and tribulations of living in captivity during WWII. It's streaming online for a week at the PBS website.

The cast were all British but they did a faithful job recreating the Jewish experience and acting as the Dutch. I love the old movie from the 50s, but this one did as good a job with the story. Ellie Kendrick, a newcomer to acting, portrayed Anne deftly as the stubborn, sometimes petty, but courageous teenager she was. Her romance with Peter Van Damme was really sad because you knew they wouldn't live to fulfill the dreams they spoke of. Her parents gave rousing performances, and Felicity Jones captured Margo Frank's demureness but resoluteness.

I wept at the end of this movie. You'd have to be a Nazi yourself not to be moved to tears by this story. Anne was just a girl with big dreams and high hopes, but it was human hatred that denied her a chance to live them out. She was a human being, but her transition into womanhood is relateable for any teen, regardless of gender. Her struggle with comprehending the mad world around her is heartbreaking.

This was truly a Masterpiece.

Track of the Week

2010-04-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

"I Keep on Loving You" by Reba from the album Keep on Loving You

Reba described this song, her newest single, as a message to her fans for sticking by her through the years. It was written by her friends Brooks and Dunn but fits her vocals very well. The song is your standard Reba fare: couples have ups and downs but stick it out. The electric guitar bridge near the end is jarring, but Reba's voice is epic.

In the video, Reba plays a relative attending a wedding, and the camera focuses on different couples going through the story of the song. I don't normally consider Reba much of a looker, but she's really pretty in this video in a stately sort of way.

The song won't be as big as Strange or Consider Me Gone, but it's already in the top twenty which is decent, considering Reba's singles for the previous few years haven't done as well. But she said she back to focusing on music now that her sitcom has been done since three years ago. Her tour is extending in the fall, so hopefully she'll grace Chicago with her presence.

I consider her the Oprah of country music, she's on top but it's all business for her in the guise of feel-good.

In Defense of Mr. Lucas

2010-04-11T08:39:00.001-07:00

Described as a loving tribute to the YouTube generation, the new film The People vs George Lucas seeks to explore the love-hate relationship that Star Wars fans have with the Creator. I think on the seventh day God created George so I don't see the point of so-called 'Lucas Bashing.'

Jar Jar Binks and the whole Phantom Menace project, while commercially successful, has earned the derision of many fans and critics alike. I'm not a big fan of film critics (they loved A Single Man but that was quite the bore!) and fans are downright silly for bashing George when they pined for years and years for a new installment in the franchise. George is the man responsible for the creation the fans 'defend' when there's no need for a defense! Without George there would be no Star Wars, and just as if Madonna never lived, and Jesus never died, the world would be very, very, different. Though some films may echo the excitement, the wonder, the magic, of the Phantom Menace hype and release, nothing will ever trump it. 1999 was my favorite year; I have so much nostalgia for it all that it's actually really sad that more than a decade separates me from then. Jar Jar is adorable. Gollum was a far more egregious character in terms of annoyance than Jar Jar ever was. Jar Jar wasn't made for adult fans, George had the children in mind, and in light of that, he was successful at earning laughs from the kids.

Lucas has a right to tinker with his creations. After all, he made them. No one questions Michael Jackson for adding Fergie to Beat It on Thriller 25 ("he's an artist, he can do that"). George is an artist of the highest calibre! Sure, his ideas are silly sometimes (re: the fridge scene in Indiana 4) but that's why they're so darn endearing. I compare him to Madonna, in that her lyrics, because they're so unpoetical, they actually are poetic. George, like his friend Stephen, and peer Jim, is fascinated by technology. If he wants to add scenes, and replace outdated effects with CGI, by all means, do so. I embrace the changes. Film evolves. I loved the addition of Jabba the Hutt in A New Hope, and when he updated the Jabba CGI in 2004, it was even better. The ending of Return of the Jedi was great, it showed the galactic scope of the struggle. Sure, the "Han Shot First" crap makes Han less of a rogue, but George is family friendly. I will agree, replacing Sebastian Shaw with Hayden Christiansen was a crime, but only because it didn't make sense and I feel sorry that Shaw's portrayal was removed.

George is a marketing genius. Why people fault him for his huge campaigns is beyond me. The Cold War proved that socialism doesn't work, so I give George loads of credit for being as capitalist as a capitalist can be. It was thrilling with each new release to see potato chips bags, socks, toys, and Pepsi laden with Star Wars imagery. I love the commercial tackiness of it all! The Phantom Menace kid's meal toys were wonderful; I remember eating at Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC all the time to collect them all. "Fans" who criticize George for over-marketing need not forget that Star Wars, after all is said and done, is a franchise, a business. George makes money off of his ventures and I doubt he'd do something without money in mind. He has a girlfriend to woo, and technological ventures to support.

Closing verdict: George shouldn't pander to the fanboys, he's better than that.

Clash of the Titans: Cute Creatures and Sam Worthington

2010-04-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

*minor spoilage below*

I went into Clash of the Titans with some trepidation. Though I will always have fond memories of the original, this new movie was entertaining in its own way. The story deviated in that they condensed some elements and added new ones. The major change was the character arc of Perseus, who wants to prove his humanity by fighting like a man rather than using his abilities as a demigod. In the original he didn’t question the gods. They added the character of Io, played by the beautiful Gemma Artenton, who is the new Keira Knightley as far as I am concerned.

The CGI is great, and I don’t think 3D is necessary for this movie, having seen it as 2D. Pegasus’ wings are really realistic, and the Kraken is impressive. Medusa fell short: she wasn’t as terrifying as the original stop-motion Medusa; I think there were too many distractions in her scene and the CGI tail was pretty fake looking. A major annoyance in the movie was a religious zealot who goes after the royal family of Argos, but the other actors were really good, most of them being familiar faces to Masterpiece Theatre fans. The bad guy with the scar from Casino Royale pops up, as does Colin Firth's TCAP pedophile-bait from A Single Man. There were lots of cute creatures in this, my favorite being the Gin people. They resemble the helper that worked with Scotty in the new Star Trek, but with awesome black magic powers. A sentient severed hand even appears. The witches with the oracle eye were really well executed. I was awestruck by Charon, he was a skeleton twisted into the sinews of the wooden shop he pilots.

The jokes were a little conventional, but endearing in a Pirate of the Caribbean sort of way (though without the obnoxious water wheel and Keira-Johnny-Orlando banter). The training scene, though short, was cliché. Sam Worthington shined in this movie, and I’ll pay $10 again to watch him save the day in a Greek warrior tunic. He was his normal serious self, but mustered a smile (I counted twice in the movie) which was a departure for his otherwise predictable performance. His chemistry with Io was a treat, and I wish they did more with that story. The ending was different in that he doesn’t wind up with Andromeda, but there’s a nice twist in the end (though they could’ve shown them kissing).
Sam and Gemma: Great On Screen Chemistry

This isn’t better than the wonderful original, nothing can beat the mechanical owl, but it is a decent movie and I wound up really enjoying myself. This felt very Jerry Bruckheimer, and I think Guillermo del Toro could've made magic with this movie. 4 stars out of 5.

Sticky & Sweet CD/DVD Review

2010-04-08T17:55:00.000-07:00

Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet CD/DVD or BluRay set was released this week to stores worldwide. The packaging is glossy and has a booklet of album credits and fantastic pictures by Esther’s longtime manager/agent Guy Oseary. The CD and DVD follow the same motif of the tour and the Hard Candy parent album.

The DVD is presented in surround sound with a widescreen ratio. The direction is not as choppy as that of the Confession Tour release, and there are more shots of Madonna, but being a Madonna show, the visuals of her background screens and dancers are highlighted, as is the crowd: a 60,000 throng of Argentines, pining in rapture for a glimpse at a rather small woman whose ego is so massive the stadium itself can’t engulf it. The sound is cleaned up, and her vocals are too. This is a real shame, because I love Madonna’s tour voice: it’s really strong. However, just when one thinks the vocals are too cleaned up, we get a familiar off-key, flat, or screaming note. I don’t think they edited the vocals per se, as I remember seeing the tour and my brother commented that her microphone sounded pitched higher.

The CD is the same audio as the DVD and can go with, or without the visual experience. It’s so Madonna to include Spanish Lesson, a universally derided song, on the CD as a defiant stroke to the public. A Madonna show isn’t complete with politics, and her Get Stupid video juxtaposes scenes of violence with hopeful figures, like Oprah. Madonna’s onscreen and onstage persona is larger than life: in one moment she can go from being a bitch, a sex goddess, to the Commander. It is in this last role that she is her most convincing; after gloriously belting out a song she hears the audience chanting her name in adoration, ordering more, she lays down on the catwalk, literally basking in the love. So many moments, whether beating up past incarnations or exposing a vest that has her name on it, are meant to pet her ego. Her dancing is perfectly timed, her singing is on cue, and her looks and banter is rehearsed: through a whirlwind of hits she is imperious. Even video cameos by Britney Spears, Timbaland, Kanye West, JT, and Pharrell, get lost in her midst. Madonna is the star of the show.

The musical arrangements are updated. Like a Prayer becomes a fierce rave backed by fiery screens. Into the Groove is a colorful tribute to her friend Keith Harring. Ray of Light and Hung Up are dance-metal infusions. Songs from Hardy Candy get a second wind, whether the swirling Heartbeat or the thumping Spanish Lesson. Madonna’s vocals shine on You Must Love Me, Don’t Cry for me Argentina, and Miles Away, as she strums a guitar; a rainstorm surrounds her as she belts out Devil astride a piano. The only embarrassing moment is when Madonna humps an amp with her guitar, the distorted frequency matching the cringing of the viewer. But all the while Madonna is beaming, transforming herself into a giddy 16 year old girl living out her wildest fantasy. Lots of jeers and sneers, the occasional smile, and hours of unforgettable hits leave the audience with the message Game Over: the Commander is in charge.

The behind the scenes documentary recalls her Truth or Dare and I’m Going to Tell You a Secret docs, but sadly this one is way too short. I love that smooth voice during the voice overs, telling us her message of unity. I love her diva personality, obsessing over the details. “I’m a gypsy,” Madonna says as her reason for taking back her many vows to quit touring. Madonna takes herself too seriously, but we do too. And that’s where the connection lies.

A+

Kirstie Alley's Big Life

2010-04-07T15:11:00.000-07:00

I am big fan of celebreality shows and of Kirstie Alley so when I heard she was doing her own show I was excited. Kirstie is most known for her Star Trek role and her stint in Veronica's Closet. Her television show Fat Actress, a fictional take on her own life, was sadly short lived. Kirstie is hilarious and her show Kirstie Alley's Big Life, Mondays on A&E, is an expose on celebrity and weight loss and gains tackled with deft humor and some deep moments.

Kirstie is a natural, funny and engaging, and her show focuses on her big life: it's a busy mix of work and keeping up her house (and life) along with raising her two kids and tending to a cage full of lemurs, and on top of that she's really fat and trying to lose the weight. Her staff is heavily featured, and they are the only drawback of the show. Sure, their exploits are humorous and their interaction with Kirstie entertaining, but I can't help feel like she allows her self to be used and taken advantage of by being friends with them, rather than maintaining a professional relationship. They're lazy and annoying.

The deepest moments are when Kirstie's relationship with fame is explored. Such as when her most recent appearance on the Oprah Show was highlighted, and she muses about 15 minutes of fame. "You can never decide when it begins, or chose when it's going to end, but you can make the most of everything in between."

I also recommend Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Tori Spelling is the daughter of the late TV mogul Aaron Spelling (Charmed and 90210 are among his many credits) and famously left a life of millions to marry Dean McDermott, a z-list actor from Canada. Her life is a roller coaster of trying to get over her wicked mother and dealing with the pressures of her recently (re)expanding fame, while raising her infant children. She acts in her own life which makes it seem so fake sometimes, and conflates the drama in her life to annoying proportions, but her relationship with her friends, husband, and children is touching because it's the only genuine thing in her life. People who have said Tori can't act need to look no further, she's can't turn off acting. Tori & Dean airs on Oxygen. I also recommend her first book sTORItelling. It's a great examination of her life, and helps clear up the tabloid gossip that seems inescapable in her life.

Track of the Week

2010-04-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

"The Time of Our Lives" by Miley Cyrus.

It's pretty pathetic at first that Miley is the track of the week this week. But Miley is ubiquitous and thus hard to escape.

This song, from her most recent (and eponymous) album is actually a stunning slice of pop. On one hand the song is so sad that I can't bear it, but on the other, it's a celebratory anthem of youth, however transient being young is: "let's have the time of our lives 'til the lights burn out." People grow up but that doesn't mean you can't live life when you're young. This is surprisingly deep for Miley, a bildungsroman song. This is one of the first songs in a long while to move me so much; it makes me want to tear out my eyeballs and put them in acid because the pain of that would be easier to process than the emotional pull of this song.

There's a mellow dance beat that picks up during the chorus, mirroring the melancholy-triumphant dichotomy of the song's theme. Her vocals on the choruses sound robotic almost, but it's not as bad of a use of auto-tune as in hip hop. Her smokey vocals have emotion to them rarely found pop music, and she can belt out a tune when she wants to.

RIP Caresse Henry Norman

2010-04-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

Caresse was Madonna's manager for many years. She served the Queen through her Drowned World and Reinvention Tours. It is rumored that Caresse was fired/quit in 2005 after Madonna discovered her affair with a security guard. According to the sources, the Kaballah has a strict zero tolerance stance on infidelity. I'm sure it's easy for Madonna to cut of contact with people--she's done it before--but Caresse was a personal friend and professional manager.

Liz Rosenberg, Madonna's longtime publicist, released the details of Caresse's family and did not confirm whether or not Caresse actually committed suicide, as was previously reported. Madonna has not released a statement as of yet. Caresse worked with Paula Abdul and Ricky Martin among others. Paula Abdul's twitter was noticeably blank on any mention of Caresse.

Caresse will be remembered by most for her appearance in the Youtube video "Madonna Being a Bitch" which features Madonna being a bitch to Caresse. "Caresse, you have no idea. I can't take it."

Hellhounds: You Get What You Pay For

2010-04-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hellhounds recently broadcast on SyFy channel; being a loyal viewer of their Saturday movies, I had to watch it. I'm sure they chose to air this movie because of Clash of the Titans' release. Kleitos, a Greek warrior, married Demetria, a Grecian princess. On their wedding day, she is captured by Kleitos' jealous best friend and taken to Hades. She dies but is revived. However, as Kleitos and Demetria make their way to the Seer that can save Demetria forever, they are pursued by a pack of Hellhounds. These, I believe, are based on Cerberus, the three headed dog of Greek mythology. They get to the Seer and she manages to figure out how to save Demetria, but sacrifices herself. In the end, the evil best friend is defeated and the hell hounds with him.

This movie is a case of getting what you paid for. They didn't spend much money on this movie, but it wasn't to the film's detriment. The costumes were great. The special effects for the Hellhounds were actually on par with the werewolves of New Moon (I guess that's not saying too much, from a certain point of view). I look forward to lots of gore, but this film didn't have that much. The acting was wooden in many parts, but at the least the leads were good looking enough to make up for it. I liked the Seer character, she could get a little cliche in parts, but her acting was good and her all-black eyes were good visual effects. There's a scene in a village where Demetria magically gets new clothes and Kleitos' brother is expected to carry a tray of apples on a horse that is laughably bad, but the well meaning intentions of the scene make up for it. The fight scenes in the woods are well shot, especially the horse riding moments, but the Hellhounds just weren't scary enough.
Kleitos and Demetria: Pretty People in Need of Acting Lessons

I'd watch this over 300 any day for its so-bad-it's-good qualities (the film itself is oddly endearing in its underdog way), but when all is said and done (that's an ABBA song, by the way) this movie needed scarier dogs and more blood, guts, and gore.

The Making of Alice in Wonderland

2010-04-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

Alice in Wonderland was filmed almost entirely in front of a green screen. According to Wikipedia, Johnny Depp actually wore lavender colored contact lenses to avoid getting sick. Much of the cast and crew felt nauseated by being surrounded by the green screens for hours on end. The film was shot in conventional 2D and was later converted to 3D, earning the criticism of James Cameron, who advocated shooting in 3D.

Promotional stills released from The Visual Guide to Alice in Wonderland reveal that only the actors and costumes were real, and the entire setting was CGI. This resulted in a relatively short shooting schedule, 40 days in total. The sequence when Alice falls through the roof and sits upside down was shot right-side up, with a tall wig replicating the look of hanging hair. The deck of card and chess piece soldiers were portrayed by motion capture actors, while Cheshire Cat was all CGI. A veteran commerical actor was hired to preform the Fudderwacken sequence.

Johnny Depp said the character of the Hatter was easy to portray, as it just came out during filming. His casting and that of Helena Bonhome Carter was obvious, as Depp has been in many Burton films, and Carter is the mother of Burton's children. The film's storyline is self contained, thus a sequel would be unnecessary, but welcomed nonetheless.

Track of the Week: This One's for the Girls

2010-03-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

This One's for the Girls by Martina McBride, from the album Martina (2003).

This is song is one of the reasons why country music is so darn good: it's a real life, relatable, uplifting, inspirational song. Martina's songs always have very positive messages, and this is no exception. The opening verse is about teens holding on to innocence when every one's giving in, which really touches the listener. The next one is about twentysomethings who are starting life fueled by "dreams and spaghetti-os" which is a very country/Reba "strong woman" line. The next one is about forty year old woman who are beautiful because their laugh lines show their experience, which is very Oprah audience.

Comments on YouTube range from "no thanks, id rather smoke, drink, have premarital sex and do any damn thing i'd like" to "Its so cheesy how good this song makes me feel haha." The sentiments of the latter sum up my thoughts on the song. It's so positive and sweet that you can't help but feel good and mushy.

The video displays some pretty horrific fashion, but Martina's so radiant that she's angelic. Go Martina! Overall, the song is inspirational but very country/Oprah/Reba, which could be cringe-worthy, laughable, or wonderful, depending on the listener.

Fun fact: Faith "Stepford Wives" Hill sings backing vocals.

Shine All Night Tour: Diverse Songs, Impressive Staging

2010-03-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

Last night at the Convocation Center in DeKalb, IL, a suburb of Chicago, country rocked the arena, which was about 80% filled. I had paid $10 for a ticket, but there were a few rows open in the lower bowl, so I sneaked down and took a $60 seat. The view was incomparable. The Shine All Night Tour, a co-headlining tour of Martina McBride and Trace Adkins, opened with newcomer Sarah Buxton. Her set was short and unmemorable.

Then Trace Adkins, a country superstar, sung a set that varied between his mournful ballads and his redneck playful songs. Trace's set opened with a funny video that segued into I Got my Game On. Trace commanded the stage, swaggering about, singing in his signature baritone voice. He had moving set pieces and a lot of light and video screens. It surprised me because this was a big budget affair for a country concert. He gave the audience their money's worth by singing his hits, including Songs About Me, Chrome and Hot Mama. Many of his songs celebrate/objectify women and being redneck, and the video screens matched, displaying images of scantily clad redneck women. He showed his depth by thanking his fans for making You're Gonna Miss This the song of the year last year, and sung it with simple grace. One of his favorite songs of mine, Ladies Love Country Boys, switched the objectification from women to men, but switched back at the end of his set with his megahit Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, which made the audience go wild. He finished with an encore of Muddy Water and Higher Ground, displaying the gospel prowess of his voice. Trace was an accomplished preformer, singing superficial songs with bravado, and didn't let the thumping music overpower his voice and stage presence.

The arena filled up more before Martina's set. They completely changed the stage, which had two ramps added to it and larger screens. I was pleasantly surprised when a thundering dance beat started and she preformed a remix of the inspirational Ride. Much of her set consisted of her inspiration songs, which cross over into the adult contemporary, christian, country, pop, and dance genres. While Trace only had a few sections on their feet, the audience was enthusiastic for Martina, who stole the show. She had a cold, but bravely hit all the high and long notes of her songs, including the powerful Anyways. Each time she struggled but hit the notes, she got a standing ovation. Upbeat songs began her set, with hits Wild Angels and My Baby Loves Me, which celebrates the everyday wife and mother. The only awkward moment was a misplaced cover of Lean On Me that was preceded by such a joyous set of songs that it was as jarring as the shrill piano that accompanied it. She left the stage and came back out on a glowing crescent moon that sailed above the audience, preforming ballads like Concrete Angel, I Have Been Blessed and I'm Trying on the B-Stage. These songs were inspirational but sad at the same time, covering themes of abuse and heartache but also spiritual empowerment. She walked back to the main stage through the audience, belting out This One's for the Girls, a female empowerment anthem that celebrates girls of all ages and their inner beauty. The set ended with songs of escaping abuse, such as A Broken Wing, and then her best song, Independence Day, a soaring anthem of (again) escaping abuse as streamers jettisoned from the ceiling. She covered Summer of 69 for her encore.
This concert was a lot of fun, a blend of upbeat, rollicking songs, and moving ballads. Martina, despite her cold, belted her heart out. My only complaint was that the audience was a little less responsive than I would've liked. But I've heard country shows aren't known for standing and singing along. Poor Trace put on a great show, but only Martina could move people to stand up. I liked how the country hits were inspirational and traditional, but also the artists could step out of the box and be edgier (Trace's videos) or stage a pop concert with visuals, lights, and choreography (Martina) instead of pandering to the sometimes effected morals of the target audience. It was an interesting partnership that worked because of the diversity of their material. The icing on the cake was free Sunny D from the sponsor after the show!

Trace Adkins

1. "I Got My Game On"
2. "Swing"
3. "Songs About Me
4. "I Wanna Feel Something"
5. "All I Ask For Anymore"
6. "Marry for Money"
7. "Chrome"
8. "Rough & Ready"
9. "You're Gonna Miss This"
10. "Hot Mama"
11. "Ladies Love Country Boys"
12. "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"

Encore

13. "Muddy Water"
14. "Higher Ground"

Martina McBride

1. "Ride"
2. "When God-Fearin' Women Get the Blues"
3. "Happy Girl"
4. "Walk Away"
5. "Wild Angels"
6. "My Baby Loves Me"
7. "Wrong Baby Wrong Baby Wrong"
8. "I Just Call You Mine"
9. "Lean On Me"
10. "Help Me Make It Through the Night"
11. "Anyway"
12. "Concrete Angel"
13. "I'm Trying"
14. "Love's The Only House"/"Blessed"
15. "This One's For The Girls"
16. "Two More Bottles of Wine"
17. "You're Not Leaving Me"
18. "Where Would You Be"
19. "A Broken Wing"
20. "Independence Day"

Encore

21. "Summer of '69"

True Blue: Madonna's Apex

2010-03-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

(L to R: True Blue album-#1US, Live to Tell-#1, Papa Don't Preach-#1, True Blue-#3, Open Your Heart-#1, La Isla Bonita-#4).

In 1986 Madonna was the most famous person in the world. With two albums, and a score of hits behind her, she already had a solid base to build upon. Madonna was married to Sean Penn and wanted to explore her joy through her music. She reinvented her image, chosing a chic image that evoked classic Hollywood. Thus she enlisted Stephen Bray, her longtime collaborator, and Patrick Leonard, who would come to define her sound. True Blue was pop through and through, an expression of joy and love, but with a message. This was the 80s, when messages were everywhere. Madonna wrote or co-wrote every song on the album, and shared co-production credits on every song as well.

Papa Don't Preach opens the album with a defiant pro-life message, and uses classical instrumentation coupled with dance beats. Open Your Heart is an emotional power house, with a heavy dance beat and guitar chords. White Heat, Madonna's tribute to classic Hollywood, is a rollicking song that sample movie dialogue. Live To Tell, an aching, mysterious ballad, features raw vocals and profound lyrics, Madonna's best writing. Where's the Party, an anthem of Madonna's carefree persona, is another dance-rock song, but features a chorus of party voices near the end. True Blue, an homage to 50s pop, has a soaring chorus and is a love song for Sean Penn. La Isla Bonita, offered but declined by Michael Jackson, is an ode to Latin America and introduced a character of latin instrumentation and imagery that Madonna would revisit. Jimmy Jimmy, Madonna's tribute to James Dean, is a poppy, upbeat song. Love Makes the World Go Round is a very 80s song because its message of love and empowerment; Madonna wrote and preformed it for Live Aid a year earlier to raise money for Africa and AIDS.

True Blue is a cohesive record in sound and style. Madonna's singing retained the girlish exuberance, but her vocals were less thin. The Guinness Book of World Records called True Blue unprecedented, as it topped the charts in 28 countries, and became one of the best selling albums by a female artist in the world. Madonna couldn't have known Sean Penn would abuse her with a baseball bat when dedicating the album, but the lyrics in Jimmy Jimmy are telling: "why oh why do fools fall in love with fools like you." True Blue is really a triumph for music and Madonna, a true masterpiece, an album of epic proportions.

The videos for True Blue are some of Madonna's best remembered. Live to Tell is a simple video, but Madonna is at her most beautiful and most vulnerable as the camera hovers around her, like a person pressing for the secret of the song. Madonna plays a teenage mother in Papa Don't Preach. In Open Your Heart she explores themes of pedophilia and voyeurism, and celebrates her Italian heritage. True Blue was a simple video that paid tribute to girl groups of the 50s and 60s. La Isla Bonita cast Madonna as a forlorn Latina, praying for her lover and finding an escape in the music of the streets.

If anyone should listen to a Madonna album, True Blue is it. It's her most successful and the apex of her career. She launched her Who's That Girl Tour on the heels of True Blue and the Who's that Girl soundtrack (whose songs Who's that Girl?, Causin a Commotion, and The Look of Love are sonically identical to True Blue). Madonna toured in stadiums and parks, playing to sold out crowds in the 10s and 100s of thousands. She visited Europe, North America and Japan. In Japan, heavy rain caused the cancellation of a show, which prompted heavy rioting as the fandom reached a fervent pandemonium. At the time, this was the highest grossing tour and Madonna commanded the highest playing fee in the industry.

A Sam and J-Lo Moment

2010-03-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

One of the highlights (one of the only highlights) of the Oscars this year was Sam Worthington and Jennifer Lopez presenting together. It didn't last long, but their moment on stage was third behind Mo'Nique's incredible speech and Oprah's effusive praise of Gabby. J-Lo is one of those rare people who would look good wearing a dirty garbage bag, and she's earned my respect for her transition from pop to romcoms. She's critcized as being boring, but under that diva exterior she's a really normal person, who enjoys spending time with her kids. She's still Jenny from the Block. On her twitter, she posted:

Sang What Is Love at San Remo! New song from my new movie The Back-up Plan. Saw it last week during a press junket. Ugh, junkets are tough!

On one hand, it's so ridiculous to think press junkets are tough compared to what the Precious girls everywhere go through, but for me, this was endearing. I understand J-Lo's stress is positive. She's getting out there and feeling good about working hard. It's heartwarming that she takes pride in her artistry.

Sam, on the other hand, is for me the modern day Tom Cruise. Even though I hate "modern day" comparison, like saying Gaga is the new Madonna, I think it fits in his case. He's a good looking action star. Yes, like Tom he's cocky and conceited, but I like that Sam doesn't take shit about Avatar. It's not a crappy movie, and he sticks up for it. He's quite boring beyond that, but the films I've seen him in so have been some of my favorites (Terminator and Avatar).

But when they presented together, it was a magical moment. Their chemistry was so intense. There were lots of smiles, and even some laughter. You could tell they really got along. They probably had so much fun presenting together! Sam recently said to the press that he felt starstruck being on the same stage as J-Lo. That's really awesome. He knows a star when he sees one. (Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking: real life shipping pair?)

This is quite the fangirl post!

TRON: Legacy

2010-03-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Alice in Wonderland is the movie of 2010, but TRON: Legacy is being released in December. Time will tell if this is a good movie, but judging by the trailer, it will be amazing (though no trailer will beat how epic the Blindness trailer was). Hedorah and I were in giddy fan mode when the trailer started, coupled with the fact that it was in Xtreme Digital 3D and attached to Alice.

The part that sent chills down my spine was when Jeff Bridge's son dusts off the Tron game. Then he enters into the Tron game and the trailer really takes off. The scene where he rides slowly up on that circular platform is another chilling scene, as the staticy electronic music plays during a montage of clips of the characters. The game with the glowing hollow disks looks great, and I love the David Bowie-esque guy rocking with the glowstick. And of course we're teased with just a snippet of a light cycle chase.

I calculate this will be a worthy tribute to the first movie, which I have a lot of fond memories of. I'm not sure if Garrett Hedlund can carry the film, but that's my bias against his raspy voice. The female supporting cast looks like a good balance between a femme fatale vibe and the sexy sci fi girl, and it's fantastic that Jeff Bridges was humble enough to come back. It also seems that the CGI recalls the effects of the first film, which hold up today.

And what can beat Tron set to a Daft Punk soundtrack? Kudos to Disney!

Breaking News: Dixie Chicks Reunite

2010-03-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

I am jubilant that I can post this. The Dixie Chicks have reunited and will hit the road this summer on a stadium tour with The Eagles and Keith Urban. The Chicks were all but broken up after the 2007 Grammys, where they swept the awards. Natalie cut her hair off and retreated to LA, and the sisters Martie and Emily just announced their solo project The Court Yard Hounds. Seems to me Nat got jealous the sisters were making music again and reasserted control of the band from them just as it seemed they didn't need her anymore.

The Dixie Chicks are the best selling female group of all time, even more than The Supremes and Destiny's Child. Their hit albums have sold millions of copies, and they are well known for hit singles "Wide Open Spaces," "Goodbye Earl," and the defiant "Not Ready to Make Nice." After their infamous comments about George Bush, they were hailed as heroes and derided as "Dixie Twits." But the Chicks were resolute, and country's girl power group released their masterpiece "The Long Way Round" a testament to what they endured.

8-Jun *Toronto, ON Rogers Centre
10-Jun East Rutherford, NJ New Meadowlands Stadium
12-Jun Boston, MA Gillette Stadium
14-Jun Philadelphia, PA Citizens Bank Ball Park
15-Jun Washington, DC Nationals Park
19-Jun Chicago, IL Soldier Field
22-Jun *Winnipeg, MB Canada Inns Stadium
24-Jun*St. Louis, MO Busch Stadium

*Keith Urban not appearing.

Non Traditional Kawaii Parte Dos

2010-03-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

60th post! Just want to say if anyone's casually reading or drops by, feel free to comment or subscribe. Consider this Part Two of my Feburary Post "Non Traditional Kawaii."

The Zombie from Zombi 2. This is an iconic image in the zombie world. The poor bugger is decomposing, but that's part of why it's so kawaii. The worms pouring out of his orbital cavity, the empty expanse of the other eye socket, and the mouth that could be considered a snarly grin.

I've always considered Gragra cute. According to EU lore, she breeds her foodstuffs in the sewers of Mos Espa. Jar Jar tries to eat one and becomes entangled, raising her ire. Her mouth looks like a smile, and the big dark eyes draw you in. She looks like a female, portly Ryuk.

If ever you find yourself in an abandoned warehouse set with traps, you wouldn't want to meet this guy. But Billy the Puppet is adorable. The little suit and the way he rides the tricycle are normally considered cute on children, but in our world, the evil puppet is cuter. He's the messenger of despair, but if you play Jigsaw's game by the rules, he's an arbiter of hope.

Michael Jackson. We can consider ourselves fans before he sadly passed away, and defended him against his detractors. The plastic surgery was gruesome, but in an odd way it worked. I'm not saying he's cute in the traditional sense, but in a tug-at-the-heart strings way. He was vulnerable, but his childlike sense of flying, magic, and wonderment was awe inspiring. He was Peter Pan, in his heart. His bizarre sense of style, his ranch of weirdness, and even the moments in the 2003 documentary were adorable. We miss you, and love you always, Michael. His message was Love, and we'll never forget. He had so much love in his heart.

A Local's Guide to Chicago

2010-03-24T14:42:00.001-07:00

Chicagoland is a sprawling urban flatland of 9 million souls. Like Rome of yesteryear, every road (plus train and plane) leads to the metropolis. Chicago is a massive city, and to the visitor this can induce anxiety. For every tourist trap, there are some undiscovered, or perhaps under appreciated tourist spots, restaurants, and places to see.

Architecture enthusiasts should avoid those pricey architecture tours. They're a rip-off, and for the amount you pay, you don't see a lot. I suggest watching Geoffrey Baer's river tour of Chicago on DVD and taking a Chicago River Taxi. Wendella Boats, I've been told by their competition, is unreliable, but for the price you pay ($6 round trip), you can enjoy a leisurely glide down the Chicago River. It departs from Trump Tower, near the Michigan Avenue bridge, and stops at Madison (between the Lyric Opera and Ogilvie Train Station) and at Chinatown (at the pagoda). They pass stations up sometimes, but that's part of the experience. At Chinatown, peruse the stores for prices that are a steal, and enjoy lunch with massive servings at the Moon Palace Restaurant. At Navy Pier, walk around and look, but spending money will exhaust your budget. Instead, purchase a trip on one of many boats on the pier, and see the skyline from the Lake. It will cool you down and affords beautifully views; on a clear day you can see as a far as Indiana. Enjoy Massa Cafe's stand on the pier for delicious gelato.

Chicago is a dining mecca. There are so many restaurants it can be a little overwhelming to make a decision. Pasta Palazzo (at Halsted & Armitage) is a Lincoln Park Italian restaurant that serves delicious, generously portioned pastas. They used to only take cash and served drinks in plastic cups, but through the years, they've moved up to credit and glassware. It's atmosphere, replete with low lighting and colored walls, coupled with a din of conversation, is warm and inviting. Get a window seat, it's worth it. Chain restaurants are equally delicious. Though Giodano's Pizza is the king of Chicago style, I also recommend California Pizza Kitchen. They have a plethora of wonderful pizza "flavors" and prompt service. Tip: request a bread basket, it's free but if you don't ask, you won't receive. I like the CPK on North Avenue, but the best is in Water Tower Place Mall on Michigan.

Chicago's green lung are its park systems. The parks are an attraction in themselves, and if you don't have money, they are a cheap way to entertain. Grant Park, in the lower Loop, is vast but sitting on the berm on Lake Michigan on a sunny spring day is a transcendental experience. Lincoln Park is good for a walk along tree-lined paths on a slightly rainy day, and the zoo is free. The Lincoln Park Zoo is an antiquated "zoological garden," so flora and fauna fans will be equally amused. It's a real charmer. Garfield Park is on the South Side, but don't let that deter you from strolling in the massive humid conservatory. The flowers are pretty and the koi ponds are cute. The best park is Washington Square, near the Gold Coast. It's across the street from the Newberry Library, and is boarded by a wrought iron fence. Park goers sit around a massive fountain, as children play in the groves of flower beds and trees.

Chicago's museums are world renowned. The Art Institute of Chicago is on Michigan, just off Adams. I suggest eating at Au Bon Pain across the street, then going in on Thursday night for free admission. You'll find everything from impressionism to Dali. The Field Museum is a natural history museum. Check the calendar for free admission days, and go see the Man Eating Lions of Tsavo and Sue the T-Rex. For kids, the Science and Industry Museum is a playground of exploration. There's everything from a submarine to fetuses in glass jars (my personal favorite).

The United Center, on the Near West Side, is located in an iffy area of town, but it offers reasonably priced concert tickets in the upper 300s tier. The UIC Pavilion showcases college-rock shows, but sometimes people like Kylie Minogue play there. Most concerts stop at the Allstate Arena and the Rosemont Theatre in Rosemont, adjacent to O'Hare. Take the Blue Line from the city; it's under an hour and fares are super cheap. Allstate is big enough to bring Britney Spears, but it's feeling is intimate. The Rosemont Theatre is smaller, but a great place to see up-and-coming artists. Call the box office for better seats than what's offered on ticketmaster. Find a cheap ticket broker if seeing a broadway play at the Cadillac Palace, it will save you money (prices are usually about $18-$30 for decent views this way).

Avoid Chicago during the Taste during the summer, and on sports-game days. For a city that's already a zoo, it's a mess then. Trains from the suburbs run into Union and Ogilvie Station at reasonable fares. The L, Chicago's subway/overhead train system, can be accessed using the same cards you use for the buses. They can be purchased nearly everywhere, and are the best bang-for-your buck. Midway Aiport is in the South Side, a bad area of the city, but take the red line north to the Loop. It's far cheaper than a cab. Don't even think about cabbing from O'Hare, it's nearly $50. Instead, take the blue line. Trains and buses run about every 8 minutes, a vast majority of them offer "night owl" service. When asking for directions, ask for the intersection, that's how everyone gets from point a to b. Many times, distance but time of travel is referred to, as traffic is dependant not on how far, but how long.

Bon Voyage,

Oprah

Like a Virgin: The Triumph of New Wave and the 80s

2010-03-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

(L to R: Like a Virgin-#1 US, #1 UK, Like a Virgin single-#1, Material Girl-#2, Angel-#5, Dress You Up-#5, Into the Groove-#1 UK)

Today marks the second installment of Something's Wrong with Esther's Madonna album reviews.

Like a Virgin was released in 1984, and is rightly considered one of the most influential albums and a landmark in music and pop culture. Madonna had recorded a few tracks that were left off of her first album, and the release of a second proper album was delayed by the success of her first. This caused Warner/Sire to release more singles than anticipated from the Madonna album. Warner employed Niles Rodgers, a member of disco group Chic, to produce Like a Virgin. Madonna's image was largely the same as her first album, though more chic and frilly. Rather than continue with the disco sounds of the first album, Like a Virgin uses synthesizers, the guitar, and prominent drums, all the signature instruments of New Wave. Warner allowed Madonna to use some of her own songs, but half of the album was written by songwriters. The album was a massive success, eventually selling 10 million copies in the US alone, but the critics reviled her as a one hit wonder, and (perhaps a just description of her vocal chirps) "Minnie Mouse on Helium." The theme of the album was the many facets of love--sex, flirtation, romance, abandonment, etc--presented with glossy production and simple, though memorable lyrics, and dance beats.

Material Girl starts the album as an ode to the commercial materialism of the 80s. Angel, a softly sung ballad backed with plucky dance beats, is followed by Like a Virgin, a synthesizer heavy track with a signature groove, and very high pitched vocals. Over and Over, an urgent, upbeat track features drums and plucking electronic chirps. Love Don't Live Hear Anymore, a cover of an older song, is a lament of lost love that is song so magnificently Madonna is literally breathless at the end. Dress You Up, a sparkling, drum and dance track, is a perfect expression of Madonna's themes of sex and fashion. Shoo-Bee-Doo, somewhat of a dud, is a simple piano ballad sung in an emotional tone. Pretender has upbeat chiming and mournful lyrics about a deceptive lover. Stay closes the album as an epic, stomping ballad with fierceness not found in such songs normally.

Like a Virgin's songs are largely ballads, but their melodies and backing tracks are soaring, epic, and upbeat. The drums, synthesizers, and guitars blend seamlessly, accompanied in many instances by claps, chimes, and plucky beats. The tone of the album is bubblegum pop, almost like fifties malt-shop pop, but updated to the 80s. The album was a massive success because of its youth, exuberance, and appeal to the young MTV demographic, who could instantly relate to the girlishness of the album, but also the maturity of the lyrical content. Like a Virgin is sleek and solid, and took Madonna from a successful debut artist to an international superstar.

It's videos were heavily featured on MTV. Like a Virgin, drawing from her controversial VMA performance (she gyrated on stage in a wedding dress, it shocked the world), features Madonna dancing around in Venetian canals. Material Girl, an homage to Marilyn Monroe, was expertly choreographed. Angel didn't get a video, but single Dress You Up was released as a live clip from her Virgin Tour. The Virgin Tour was a massive success. Madonna was originally scheduled for theatres in major American and Canadian cities, but the sheer demand for tickets bumped her up to pavilions and arenas. T-shirts sold by the hundreds in minutes. Madonnabes (Madonna Wannabes) dressed up as the star, as she danced energetically and sang her hits. The Virgin Tour was a triumph for Madonna, selling out everywhere she played. Stops in England and Japan were scrapped as Madonna prepped for her next album and preformed at Live Aid.

Into the Groove, Madonna's best dance song, was from the Desperately Seeking Susan soundtrack, but released as the B-Side to Angel in the US, and charted as it's own single everywhere else, becoming Madonna's first UK number one.

Madonna: The First Album

2010-03-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

(L to R: Album-#8 US, #6 UK, Everybody-#3 dance, Burning Up-#3 dance, Holiday-#16 pop, Lucky Star-#4 pop, Borderline-#10 pop)

As it's between albums and I can't think of anything else to write about, I'm going to be starting a new series reviewing Madonna's studio albums.

Madonna (The First Album- UK Title) 1983

The album was recorded in New York under the direction of DJ Mark Kamins, who discovered Madonna in the club Danceteria (where she would sit in the corner reading a book instead of mingling). Her rough demos were hits in his club, and she was signed to Warner/Sire and began recording with Reggie Lucas, who was booted off the project after Madonna was dissatisfied with his productions. She then brought in her boyfriend Jellybean Benitez to remix the tracks, and it was during these last sessions that she recorded her hit Holiday. Madonna wrote every song on the album, except for Holiday and Borderline. Curiously, she is credited as the original writer of Physical Attraction, but Reggie Lucas was later given sole credit.

The sound of the album, disco and dance, was a risky move for its time. Disco was declared dead a few years earlier, yet as always Esther had the foresight to be the first in an era defined by synthpop. Bridging the gap between disco and dance was a departure for Madonna, who had spent her first few years in New York as the guitar player (she didn't play well) and lead singer of the New Wave bands Emmy and the Breakfast Club. Madonna's image--thrift store clothing, crucifixes, and loads of jewelry--was influenced by her friendships with artist Andy Warhol and Keith Harring, as well as her Catholic childhood and personal love of freedom.

Sparkling, cascading synths start out opening track Lucky Star, which contained lyrics based on the classic children's poem Starlight Starbright. It's dance beats were instantaneous and unrelenting. Borderline showcases the urgency of Madonna's vocals and has synthesized xylophone chimes. Burning Up, Madonna's foray into New Wave, has prominent guitars backed by a dance track. I Know It is a buoyant dance track with oscillating synthesized piano chords. Holiday, Madonna's signature song, starts out softly then lifts off into a celebratory, carefree dance track with repetitive, though festive lyrics. Think of Me is more disco than dance, but with electronic pulsating beats. Physical Attraction shares the same synthesized harpsichord-like chiming with Borderline, but has a memorable clapping beat. Everybody closes the album with pulsating electronic noises and spoken word sections that call everybody to the dance floor.

Madonna is successful because of its structure: fireworks of synths and simple, repetitive, and memorable lyrics. Madonna's eponymous first album is one of her best, unparalleled in its effervescence. Madonna's voice is high pitched, almost squeaky. There is a sense of urgency and exuberance, a carefree joie de vivre. She sounds simultaneously in control yet pining at the same time. For me, this is a special album because it's innocent. She's at the beginning of her career, and wasn't pushing a message beyond having fun. Naive but inviting, it's a celebration of fun.

Madonna's first music videos were made during this period. Everybody is a simple video of Madonna dancing in a lighted dance studio. Burning Up was another budget affair, but contained cutting edge effects of the day (Madonna's mouth magically multiplies on a door), and features Madonna on a road begging for her lover. Holiday was deemed too cheap to be released, and thus the embarrassment never surfaced. Lucky Star is one of her best loved videos. Madonna dances in a white room in black clothing. Borderline was the first widely aired Madonna video, and was a hit especially with the teen demographic. Madonna dances around in New York City waiting for her lover to respond.

Life: Oprah and Animals

2010-03-22T08:16:00.001-07:00

LIFE, narrated by Oprah Winfrey, aired last night on the Discovery Channel. This was the first of five installments, showing every Sunday night. There was no Masterpiece on, so I was able to watch something else. LIFE follows the same premise as 2007's epic television event Planet Earth, but instead of focusing broadly on Earth's ecosystems, LIFE focuses on the basic principles of life on earth: mating, defending, etc.Oprah's narration was criticized by many for replacing Richard Attenborough's BBC narration, but Oprah was actually good in my opinion. Her intonation is familiar and her narration reminded me of someone reading a children's book: warm and inviting. The filming, like Planet Earth, was stunning, but I feel like this is something of a rehash of that former series. Oprah at least spruced it up with her lucid narration.

In other Oprah news, it's been widely reported that ex-View and talk show host herself, Rosie O'Donnell is going to replace the Queen of Daytime TV. This is really sad. I remember watching Rosie's show as a kid and even then I knew it wasn't as good as Oprah's. Rosie is a slob, abrasive and obnoxious. She calls for tolerance when she herself is intolerant. Perhaps because I sided with The Donald during the Rosie/Trump feud a few years back, but I would venture to say that Rosie's show will tank. But people are sick little puppets and they'll probably tune in to watch her opinionated banter. I would have put Ellen in Oprah's time slot. Ellen is famous already and has proven her skills as a talk show host.

Who said Zombies Can't be Cute!

2010-03-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hedorah showed me an excellent campy/b-movie zombie flick by Peter Jackson called Dead Alive, released as Braindead everywhere else. How could Pete go from making such a masterpiece in over the top gore to the LOTR trilogy? I've seen this film derided on the internet, and that's sad. This movie will satisfy gore and humor fans. Anyways, I consider this post Part 2 of an earlier post about Non Traditional Kawaii. Dead Alice contained many adorable zombies.

One such zombie is the zombie baby. The spawn of the priest and a zombie woman, the zombie baby provides some of the best moments in the film (besides the mother's gasp, the glowing zombie, and "this calls for some divine intervention"). The zombie baby reminds of Kuato's evil twin. When he goes for a day in the park, he can escape even barbed wire, and goes careening down a hill in a tram. The attempts to stop him from attacking the park goers are hilarious. I don't like normal babies, but I do love zombie babies!

I couldn't find a picture of the organs, but they are really kawaii. The zombie organs are the remains of another zombie that take on a life (or unlife) or their own. They attack people by using intestines like rope. The cutest scene is sadly its demise, when it puts together what looks like lungs as "hands" begging for mercy. The heart as the face is adorable. I did find a picture of the half-head zombie in the ensnares of the organ zombie's intestines.
Lastly, the rat monkey found in New Zealand's outback is really cute. Hedorah said it's reminiscent of Salacious Crumb, and that's right. The rat monkey bites the mother at the zoo, which leads to the whole mess of zombies in the little town. Its demise, though sad in that it's cuteness is extinguished, is funny because the mother stomps it to death. At least it enjoyed a meal of a primate arm before it died.

So I ask again, who said zombies can't be cute? These ones sure are!

Un baiser s’il vous plaît: A Romcom with Brains

2010-03-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

While on this French kick, I will review a French film. Un baiser s’il vous plaît was released in France in 2007 but is technically a new film here in the States as it was just released on DVD. I’m not sure what the French title means, but here it was released as Shall We Kiss? The trailer and DVD cover don’t do it justice, making it seem more like an average romcom than the thoughtful film it actually is.

Intellectual, ironic, and charming…

This film is a fatalist work that explores the consequences of human behavior and how people react to it. The theme is that people will do what they want, and it is one’s choice to react emotionally or to wait for time to take its toll or work its magic. The film begins with two people, Gabriel and Émile, who fall in love at first sight. However, the story of Judith and Nicola, les amis d’Émile, who are involved with other people but fall in love (despite, or because of, their deep friendship). Judith kind of just goes along with what Nicola wants, until she realizes that she has hurt her husband Claudio. Their story ends with Nicola quite happy they are together (he really seemed to want it more, while Judith’s emotions were more conflicted) and Judith telling him it will take time for her to be happy (again, highlighting the fatalist theme of the movie).

Gabriel and Émile give in and share a very passionate kiss, but it turns out Émile is Claudio’s new wife, and she decides that Gabriel should go. The fatalism of their ending is that they shared this wonderful night together, talking and one kiss, but rather than let Claudio suffer again, they chose to suffer for a missed opportunity. This ties directly into Judith’s feelings, because she attempted to lessen the blow to Claudio by contriving a date with Nicola’s ex-girlfriend, Câline, that ultimately exposed her deception, which hurt him more.

Fatalism, this film posits, is to suffer but not complain, because (to paraphrase Câline) whining doesn’t take the suffering away, only time.

The cast was superb, and their acting was subtle but pronounced enough to impress the viewer. With the exception of Nicola (and his unibrow), they were all beautiful in a way only the French can be. The music, by Shubert (this ties into the plot), was pretty too. The cinematography, art design, and costume design of this film was all minimalist, relying on a chic use of shades of white. The direction of the film highlighted the cerebral aspects of the plot, by placing characters in front of art pieces, and creating shots that looked like oil paintings themselves. The script tackled intellectual conversations with deftness and humor that The Single Man tried for, but lacked.

The grace of the characters, the grace of the plot, and the grace of the filming was light enough that it made the implications of the film all the more surprising. Roger Ebert criticized the prettiness of the cast, the conversations, and the camerawork, but I think it had to be light enough for such thought provoking fatalist subject matters. This film was, if anything, very, very, very French (quite!).

I think a remake by Hollywood would be expertly handled by Natalie Portman as Judith, Michael Vartan as Gabriel, Cate Blanchett as Émile, Amanda Seyfried as Câline, and Jason Schwartzman as Nicola. If you see this movie, you will see what I mean. Come to think of it, this seemed like a Wes Anderson or Sophia Coppola film that didn’t take itself seriously.

If you’re in for a good foreign film, watch this movie!

Brigitte Bardot

2010-03-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

While working on my Dakota Fanning post, I realized how many stars were inspired by Brigitte Bardot. Bardot was the sex symbol of the sixties, and came to symbolize the aesthetics of the decade, with her soft blonde hair and heavy eye makeup. Her work with Serge Gainsbourg is best remembered by their hit single Bonnie et Clyde, a spoken word track that epitomizes the intersection of French fashion and experimental music. Several decades, drugs, husbands, and run ins with the law later she looks like an overfed bird.

Country star Faith Hill, pictured on her favorite magazine to cover for, was inspired by Bardot for a photoshoot that preceded the infamous photoshopping one (also on Redbook). It's very Stepford Wives of her.

Aussie superstar Kylie Minogue's entire Body Language project, from the videos, to the album photoshoot, to the concerts, were inspired directly by Bardot. Kylie's song Sensitized uses the backing track of Bonnie et Clyde. Kylie even preformed a medley of Serge Gainsburg's over sexualized song "Je t'aime...moi non plus" to highlight her erotic approach.

And for the inevitable Madonna connection, she was first inspired by Bardot for her iconic black and white Cherish video. Madonna called it one of her more "retarded" songs, but the connection is undeniable.

Later, the inspiration of Bardot was more appropriately used for Madonna's "Sex" multimedia project, from the album art of Erotica, to her makeup in hair in the book Sex and film Body of Evidence (with Julianne Moore).
This isn't your typical "they stole/copied a given person" post, I was merely interested by how much influence this one time French model turned political activist has had.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Black Christmas (1974)

2010-03-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

Christmas is associated with many things both positive and negative- religion, consumerism, toys, snow, family, stress, and Santa Claus. One thing not, however, traditionally associated with Christmas is murder. In Black Christmas (1974), though, Christmas and death sit side by side, like the red and white stripes of a candy cane.

The story begins in a sorority house, filled with students on the eve of their winter break. As the party approaches its end, the house receives an obscene phone call from an unknown man. While most of the girls brush the caller off as a harmless prankster, one of the students (the cliche "good girl"), warns the others to be more careful before storming to her room to pack for the upcoming vacation. Ironically, this character is the first to die, as the killer is waiting for her when she enters the room. Strangled to death, her dead body is kept in the attic in a dusty rocking chair for the rest of the movie. This image, accompanied by the maniacal laughter of the killer, is the most striking, memorable, and iconic image in Black Christmas.

As you could probably guess from the description of the body in the attic, the tone of Black Christmas is...black. While the slasher movies of the '80's would grow more and more outlandish and tongue in cheek, Black Christmas is grounded in realism and grittiness. The murders in Black Christmas are memorable not for their outrageous gore, or humorous extravagance, but rather for their subtlety and believability. Nitpickers may find fault with the body in the attic, and how it remains remarkably well-preserved over the course of the film. Things like this didn't bother me, though. To me, the world of Black Christmas, while realistic, is still a stylized fantasy realm. Thus, while a murder later in the film, in which a girl is stabbed repeatedly with a miniature glass figure, is haunting in its subtlety, it is also visually interesting.

To lighten the mood, Black Christmas is packed with humorous dialogue, mainly from the drunken, disgruntled house mother, and a drunken, sex-obsessed sorority member. While the humor sometimes falls flat, there are some entertaining moments. The house mother, in particular was funny, and likable, despite being very over-the-top in her sloppy drunkenness. Interactions between the liberal sorority girls and the uptight father of a murdered student, added to the humor.

Black Christmas unfolds at a slow pace, which is a perfect fit for the movie's previously mentioned subtlety and realism. The story here works well when viewed alone, on a cold night in December, when you've grown tired of the glitter and joy of Christmas and want to experience something a little more "black".

An Exception to the Rule

2010-03-19T11:29:00.001-07:00

It's always a surprise to see the route that child and teen stars take. Many a time they wind up doing drugs, dead, or working at a pool concrete business like Christopher Atkins from the Blue Lagoon (no, I'm not making that up). But for every rule, there's always an exception. Dakota Fanning and Miley Cyrus are good examples of this. I could mention Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Stacy Ferguson (Fergie), Jennifer Love, and the bevy of stars now that were once stars in kids shows, like Kids Incorporated! or the Mickey Mouse Club, but they obviously had good management then and now. (What happened to Martika?)

Dakota Fanning has remained consistently good, and was even praiseworthy as an actress when she started out. As she matures into adulthood, she's made some wise choices. Her small stint in New Moon ensures her continued success with her target demographic, while her latest venture in The Runaways seems to be aimed at a mature audience. Dakota's ability to succeed is her genuineness. She isn't a fake studio creation, but a real teen girl. I read online she attends high school even, which it's nice to see a starlet acting normal. I can see her winning an Oscar as an adult.

Whether Miley's 15 minutes run out or she can grow up with her demographic remains to be seen, but a recent interview with Parade Magazine showed the starlet saying some mature things. She said she didn't want to be a studio puppet anymore, like how she was when she was started out, but is comfortable being herself and making her own decisions. She also said how she realized her much publicized romances weren't the be all, end all of her life. She sounded, well, mature. She explained she closed her twitter after receiving hate mail and adopted a different perspective about her religious beliefs.

You never hear about the Harry Potter cast in jail, rehab, or a sex-crazed drunken bender, because despite growing up being the highest paid children actors ever, they remained true to themselves. Here's to you Harry and the Hogwarts gang!

But then again, does anyone else think it's creepy that a 15 year was done up with a Bridget Bardot look?

Star Wars References: A Rant

2010-03-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

Object of humor, I should not be, hmm!

Star Wars references are rife in today's media. Many movies, television shows, and even music videos, have at least a minor reference to the Star Wars saga. What we say is hands off the Saga!

I think the biggest culprit of this is Kevin Smith, the director of the Jay and Silent Bob series. Sure, it was a novelty at first to see an overweight superfan share his love of Star Wars through his own works, but now it's just irritating. I've sadly seen Live Free Die Hard, and the Boba Fett joke was just plain bad. It was flatter than a zombie run through a pasta maker. And in case it comes off that I'm hating on Kevin Smith, I liked him in Catch and Release. He could make a decent career for himself playing the secondary, or tertiary, male character in romcoms.

Movies enjoyed by the "sick little puppets" referred to in the movie Seven, that feature Star Wars references show how little the creators actually now about the Saga. Often times there are bad Yoda jokes to show that a character is smart, or a teacher. Even people (shocker!) who haven't seen Star Wars know who Yoda is.

And lay off the Jabba jokes. We get it, he's fat. But unlike the obese, Jabba's biology is built to be large. And while we're on this subject, stop using whale jokes. Whales are an endangered species. You wouldn't like it if your cousins were dying and people used you as a joke.

Another thing that really bothers me is the proliferation of the Slave Leia costume. When stupid movies try to stupidly show that nerdy guys have a sex drive, they have "the hot chick" wear a Slave Leia costume, or something along those lines.

On the other hand, such references illustrate the universality of this most sublime of movie series. So do we have a right to complain? In this light, no. But we'll keep ranting...it's fun.

Track of the Month: Alice

2010-03-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

As Alice in Wonderland is our favorite movie of the year, today is a special selection in the track of the week series. This month's track of the month is:

"Alice" by Avril Lavigne, from the album "Almost Alice"

Haunting, powerful, emotive, resonant....

Featured during the end credits sequence (with the growing 3D mushroom), "Alice" is a haunting piano ballad. Sung from Alice's perspective, the lyrics relate how Alice is "trippin out" when she ventures down the rabbit hole. The song relies on Avril's soaring vocal work, and the powerful heavy notes of the piano. "When the world's crashing down...don't you try and stop me," is a really uplifting message of empowerment and triumph over obstacles.

It's most poignant moment is when Avril softly, almost wistfully, sings "I found myself in Wonderland."

The video is like any other movie theme song music video, in that it has Avril playing Alice, and she falls down a rabbit hole and attends the tea party. There are, of course, scenes of the film interspersed, and a mad hatter impersonator spliced together with Johnny Depp's portrayal. There's a particularly scary sequence where Avril's mouth seems to unhinge and get impossibly wide. Avril said she wanted a lot of scenes to feature her playing the piano, to prove that she can.

Sadly, youtubekeep is down, so watch the video from this link.

A Reading of Through the Looking Glass

2010-03-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

After finishing Alice in Wonderland, I've just read the sequel, Through the Looking Glass, or What Alice Found There. Though written a few years after the first book, the writing style was consistent.

Again though, there was a pronounced irritated tone throughout the book. I really don't know why: perhaps this was seen as humorous or this was how people behaved. Alice is bratty in this book, which makes sense considering she's only seven, but she's rather rude. She has a sense of entitlement and looks down on the creatures that reside through the looking glass. I understand they are silly at moments, but she doesn't alter her human sense of logic and just relish in the whimsy of Wonderland. The connotation of the book is best demonstrated by how many times Carroll uses the word "contempt" or its variants thereof.

The narrative wasn't as disjointed or disconnected as in the first book, and the story always returned to the the life-size chess match Alice was a part of. A cast of characters as unique as the first set showed up, and the Hatter returns as a page for the White Queen's court. My favorite part was with Humpty Dumpty, as he was wonderfully conceited. Characters were again altered or combined for the movie, and some memorable lines assigned to Alice and other characters.

The book's theme was about dreaming, to convey the transience of childhood. After Alice is unable to reach the scented rushes that constantly move out of reach (as illusive as recovering one's youth), Carroll writes "Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a very little white--and these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost like snow," on page 212. The book ends asking "which one do you think it was?" after discussing the dreams of Alice and the Red King.

Maybe I love the movie too much, or the disjointed narrative and contemptuous/irritated tone of the book is disconcerting, but the film was so much more magical and warm than the books.

Favorite Concerts

2010-03-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

Concerts are an amazing experience, connecting for two hours with fans of the same artist and sharing the music.
Britney Spears brought her Circus Tour to Chicago in 2009, thrice. Playing to a sold out audience at the Allstate Arena, the opening act of the Pussycat Dolls was more artistic than Ms. Spears, and that's saying a lot. They belted out live vocals while dancing around on stage, or moving on electronic risers. They connected with the audience, giving shout outs to Chicago, and to "the fellow pussycat dolls" in the crowd. I'm not embarrassed to admit it, but I was smiling during their short set of their hits, ranging from Don't Cha and Buttons, to recent songs When I Grow Up and Hate this Part. Britney was aptly preceded by a freak show, replete with a circus troupe and a midget, who I later found out was once a porn star. Nothing could better introduce the audience to the world of the craziest pop star alive.

After a baby murdering intro of Perez Hilton, Britney came down from the big top, playing a ring leader to her dancers while lip syncing Circus. For Piece of Me, she was trapped in a golden cage and wheeled about on stage. The only other highlight was the Touch of My Hand/Breathe on Me medley, which saw Britney flying around in a picture frame and simulating sensual poses while elevated from the ceiling. There were no live vocals, Britney's dancing wasn't captivating, and there were so many distractions (lights, moving set pieces, dancers, etc) that Britney's own robotic hold on her life was more than apparent. There were parts when she wasn't even visible on stage but a voice pumping from the speakers carried through the arena. Really, she couldn't have been there and the show would've been the same soulless spectacle.

Madonna's Sticky and Sweet Tour visited a sold out United Center in 2008. Madonna is a commanding presence, at times chilling, but she mustered a few smiles during this show. It wasn't dark as previous tours, but a warm explosion of color and 80s dance beats. Songs from Hard Candy that fell flat came alive on tour, and a clap and sing along rendition of Miles Away was moving, considering her recent divorce. The concert was impeccably timed and danced. Classics like Into the Groove and Like a Prayer became thunderous, transcendental house songs that got everyone out of the their seats. House songs in their own right such as Vogue, were reinvented as hip hip numbers, while upbeat songs like Borderline, Hung Up and Ray of Light became rock tracks.

Madonna's most real moment was singing You Must Love Me, a tearful paean to her fans. A highlight was the request song of Dress You Up, preformed just for Chicago for the first time in over a decade. Whether riding a Rolls Royce on stage during Beat Goes On, gyrating on a stripper pole behind Keith Harring graphics, strumming the guitar during La Isla Bonita, or leading the audience in a jump-up-and-down rendition of Give it 2 Me, replete with old school video game screens, Madonna's show was energetic, impeccable, and superior. And what could beat 15,500 people staying in the arena, singing along with Holiday playing after the show ended? Madonna was a star enough that she needed no opener, as was Kylie.
Kylie Minogue's US 2009 Tour stopped at the UIC Pavilion for one night and brought her brand of unabashedly cheesy pop Stateside. Preforming to a sold out crowd of nearly 5000 people, Minogue entered astride a massive silver skull, then strutted around in robotic attire reminiscent of retro scifi films, speeding through electro songs Come into my World and Speakerphone. She preformed a fast paced, energetic, and fun show that was chock full of her hits. Dressed as a sultry bell hop for her New Wave section of Like a Drug and Can't Get You out of My Head, she commanded the stage with her warmth and appeal. Kylie wore an awards night gown for the ballad section, showcasing her soaring vocals in an homage to old Hollywood.

When the sound system failed, Kylie sang an acapella rendition of your Disco Needs You that earned effusive love from the fans, as many of the moments during the concert (which sometimes left the starlet speechless). A parade of confetti fell for the encore, where she got the audience moving to her 80s hit Better the Devil and club favorite Love at First Sight, while colorful shapes flashed across the screens. If Madonna's show was the most impeccable, then Kylie's was assuredly the most fun. It was also a once in a lifetime opportunity to see a megastar in such an intimate venue.

Lady Gaga's Monster Ball stopped at the Rosemont Theatre in early 2010. The show was plagued with problems from the start, from a changing venue, to ticket problems, and really ought to have been moved from a three night residency to a single night at the Allstate Arena. The show opened with pulsating beats that were repeated through each transition between the acts. The ominous Dance in the Dark started the show, with Gaga enveloped by fog, dancing in a glow in the dark suit. The stage was designed like a retro video game grid, and Gaga preformed a string of dance numbers that blended seamlessly into one another.

If fans weren't familiar with the material, then the songs would have been indistinguishable. Her video interludes were so bizarre that they were pointless, and her commands for adoration between songs was as much of a turn off as the product placement for a cellphone company that stalled the show halfway through. Her singing was good, the music was great, but Lady Gaga's show needed some tweaking. There was a self conscious break before the last two songs and hedonistic behavior that was sometimes cringe worthy, other times understandable. Gaga was opened by Jason Derulo and Semi Precious Weapons, both of which I skipped because I was unfamiliar with them.

Coldplay played two shows at the United Center in mid 2008. The look matched the Viva La Vida album, and the stage was simple enough to showcase the band, but contained some laser and light effects that spruced up the show. The setlist was heavy on the new album, but old favorites like Yellow, Fix You, and Clocks popped up, though I attended an early show, before more beloved songs from X&Y were added to the setlist. Coldplay's instrumental skills weren't overwhelmed by the arena, and their songs were big enough that they were every bit arena anthems. Chris Martin's warm stage presence carried the band, and we got to hear Lost! preformed twice for the music video filming.

An impromptu encore of Green Eyes closed the show, after a wistful rendition of Strawberry Swing and the confetti heavy of Lovers in Japan. The setlist could've included more X&Y, but the eagerness of the band and the massiveness of the music made up for it. A solid, though short, show. Opening act Santagold was fun, and I actually downloaded one of their song (Les Artistes) afterwards. There was another opener that I missed, because it didn't matter and I don't remember who they were (Clearwater, or something like that?).

The Secret of Kells: A 2D Avatar

2010-03-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

This is a little late in posting, but I had the pleasure of attending an advance screening of The Secret of Kells at an indie theatre in Pittsburgh.

A world of magic and mysticism...

The film is an animated story about the creation of the Book of Kells, a breathtaking Irish illuminated book created by mediaeval monks. The story is about a young boy, Brendan, who defies his uncle (the Abbot, played by Brendan Gleeson) and works with another monk on making another page in the Book of Kells. He ventures into the forbidden forest, and encounters the pagan world of fairies and stonehenges that differs from his Catholic doctrine. The Norsemen threaten to destroy the town while Brendan's mission to illuminate a page is threatened. Will he succeed and will the town survive?

The movie didn't really make an explicit point, nor did it explain the significance of the Book of Kells (people raised in the Irish culture like myself will know but others should brush up on it before seeing the movie). However, the animation was arresting. It was a wonderful return to 2D, like The Princess and the Frog, and the style was artistic, fluid, and a narrative unto itself. The music was a powerful Irish score, and the closing song sung by Aisling (pronounced Ashleen) was haunting.

The themes were like Avatar, that it seemed to inspire the viewer to accept a mystical bond with nature that is as guiding as religion. It wasn't as incriminating or political as Avatar, but it was as spiritual and uplifting. It deserved its nomination for Best Animated Feature.

A Reading of Alice in Wonderland

2010-03-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

Alice in Wonderland, written in 1865 by Lewis Carroll, is the book that has inspired countless adaptations, animated or otherwise. I love Victorian era Brit Lit. The vocabulary is far too advanced for today's youth in some instances, but that is indicative of the higher educational standards of Victorian Britain (but this isn't a history lesson). The antique illustrations are a treat.

The book itself is rather short, and a breezy read. It's not perfect, and I prefer the movie. I'm not saying it's awful. The book is more of a series of vaguely connected vignettes of Alice's adventures down the rabbit hole. Alice herself makes a lot of social gaffes, by saying things that are easily misinterpreted, or speaking without tact. But that's like how children are. The animals are argumentative and more animal like than their motion picture versions. I liked the playing card soldiers in the Red Queen's court better in the movie, it would have been interesting to see actual playing cards (like in the book) doing the parts in the movie. The tone was surprisingly irritated, because Alice is easily bothered by the animal's bizarreness and stupidity, and the animals are annoyed of what Alice says and her misunderstanding.

I'm going to read Through the Looking Glass next. I recommend that people see the movie first, then read the book, because it's a treat seeing memorable lines on the page. I can tell Tim Burton interpolated parts from both books into his film, and adapted some characters, and developed others further. The Mock Turtle is hilarious, but somewhat pointless to the overall narrative, but his inclusion in the movie would have been a humorous part.

The ending shows that Alice was actually dreaming (it was a languid summer day) but sweetly relates the theme of the movie: that the magic of childhood is lost on many people, but interacting with Wonderland and children can inspire it once again.

Track of the Week: Papa Don't Preach

2010-03-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

It's a dry spell in music, same artists on the charts, nothing new released. I'm bored with the industry at the moment so let's go back in time to 1986.

"Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna, from the album "True Blue"

"Papa Don't Preach" is one of the greatest Madonna songs, songs of the 80s, and pop songs ever. It caused a stir when it was released because of its pro-life message, it's anti-authority lyrical content, and the controversial video where Madonna plays a teen mother. By today's standards the song and video aren't provocative or controversial, but this was the 80s.

The song follows the standard production values of Madonna's 80s material, a dance track with some pop-rock instrumentation, and high pitched vocals. A departure for Madonna, the song features some string instruments, evoking classical music. It reached number one around the world. The video is really as memorable as the song; it is one of Madonna's more iconic music videos. It also introduced a new incarnation for Madonna, with short blonde hair and more of a department store, rather than thrift store, look.

The song was dedicated to the Pope on her Who's That Girl World Tour in 1987. A highlight of Madonna's career was preforming this song to a crowd of nearly 150,000 in Paris. In 1986, Madonna was the most famous woman in the world, and at the top of her game...

The Crazies: Good Thrills, Weak Plot

2010-03-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

The Crazies is a remake of a George Romero movie. The film is about a sheriff of a small town in Iowa who has to tackle a major problem: the water supply in the town is polluted by a government biological weapon which turns the townsfolk into, well, zombies! The government quarantines the town and seeks to destroy all of its citizens, infected and uninfected, undead or alive. The sheriff, with his wife and deputy, escape the town and the government's quarantine tactics, only to find themselves turning on each other. A nuclear bomb destroys the town, and the film ends with the sheriff and his wife walking to Mason City, only the audience knows that Mason City is set for "quarantine" as well. Sucks for them...

The film itself is high on scares. There were many moments that I jumped in my seat, and the suspense and terror was too much to handle. However, the editing of the film was conscious, as in some scenes you could tell that they removed a gorier shot. I'm interested in seeing the inevitable unrated edition, to see what I suspect was removed. Other thrills included a saw careening toward the sheriff, and a man whose eyes and mouth were sewn shut. The parts at the rest stop are just about the scariest in the whole film. The best scene in the movie is when an old woman repeatedly asks "Did Peter call?"

Yet the film suffered from plot holes and other confusing points. The man that was sewn was able to tell the sheriff a zombie was behind him, despite the fact that his eyes were sewn shut. They never explained how the deputy got infected, and how his transformation took the longest. Why would the government enlist townsfolk to help with the quarantine when they had an annihilate all people order? Also, the nuclear bomb blast scene was quite reminiscent of the "fridge scene" in Indiana Jones IV, as the couple were able to escape it unscathed. The ending was sad, as the couple were the arbiters of Mason City's destruction, just by walking into it.

For me, the thrills and the solid acting, coupled with the fact that zombies are just awesome, made up for the questionable plot. This is a three star film.

A Reading of Push by Sapphire

2010-03-12T11:23:00.000-08:00

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire was a startling movie that was as emotional as it was bleak. The acting was better than the story itself, which was so real and raw that it ended on a note of doom (Precious has AIDS, what else can happen to her besides dying, thereby leaving her children without a caregiver). I just read Push by Sapphire to see how it differed from the movie itself.

Push is, surprisingly, more dark and depressing than the movie itself. Mary, the mother, was understandable in the movie, but in the book she herself rapes her daughter. Precious' first memory is of her mother fingering her. The movie subtly alluded to sexual interactions between Precious and her mother, but the book was explicit. Some of Mary's best lines in the movie were expansions on more brief lines from the book. The other students at Each One Teach One were slightly more developed than in the movie, but I think they transition well to the screen. Blue Rain was more one dimensional in the book, and I was glad they added a scene of her home life in the movie to juxtapose her normalcy with Precious' abnormality. Ms Weiss is less well intentioned in the book than in the movie, and her scenes are only in the last third of the book. Precious herself is about the same, though her life is more tortured (can you believe it?) in the book, as her mother rapes her. She never does get her daughter Mongo back, as opposed to the film.

I prefer the film: even though Precious' life was unbearable in the film, it was worse in the book. It was too much to take at moments, such as when she smears her own shit on her face after being raped by her father. Her inner acceptance of being black, however, was better developed in the book, but the montage of Precious in the classroom surrounded by famous African Americans conveyed this in the film. The part that really struck me was on page 133 when she realizes that God is everywhere, including in her son Abdul, which reminded me of The Road. The writing style of Sapphire was meant to show how Precious thought and wrote, and at times it was difficult to decipher what she was saying, but at other times the vocabulary was too advanced to be believable for Precious.

Overall, the book was a brief look at the horrors of urban poverty, abuse, and teenage motherhood in Harlem. I'd recommend both the film and the book, but watch the movie first. The movie and the book end with the same uncertainty but also a sense of despair, as the AIDS virus looms over the future.

Oscars 2010: Some Thoughts

2010-03-11T09:16:00.000-08:00

The Oscars are usually a triumphant day for Hollywood, when stars more numerous than those in the sky come out to honor each other's work. But this year the Oscars, well, sucked.

The hosts, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, both comedians in the waning days of their careers, were bone dry. Their jokes weren't funny. The opening skit was horrendous, and consisted basically of pointing out the famous faces in the first few rows and making a really lame, flat joke about their career. Don't get me started on the sitcom-y Paranormal Activity skit.

This was really an excruciating four hour Meryl Streep love fest. She got effusive praise from everyone, in the form of lame jokes, to a bizarrely awkward and somewhat believable mention of kissing by Sandra Bullock. The camera would cut to Meryl, who gave her best acting laugh, head cocked back, eye gleaming with contrived humor.

Why, why, why was Kathy Bates shown every three seconds in the telecast? It seemed like every time someone did or said something, the camera would immediately cut to Kathy Bates. I have nothing against it, it was just awkward.

Gabby Sidibe of Precious didn't win, but at least Oprah's praise was warm and generous, like the graciousness of Mo'nique, who, if anybody, deserved an Oscar that night. Poor Jim Cameron had to endure mindless Avatar jokes, while sitting next to his skeletal wife, and behind his terrified former wife, whose fear stricken acceptance speeches were nerve racking to watch. George Clooney's attitude could be felt through the screen, as the camera zoomed in on his angry, evil glare (go home if you are unhappy). "Humble" Jeff Bridges is a tried-and-true actor, but he was too nice, and sometimes things so sweet can be so sour. Sandra Bullock winning for The Blind Side? Even she acknowledged that there were more deserving candidates. And what about the poor director of Music for Prudence: his speech time was hijacked by some crazed woman, a la Kanye West and Taylor Swift. And lastly the Hurt Locker just about swept everything, but at least Up got the Oscar it deserved.

The presenters were uneven. Kristen Stewart, in a drug induced stupor no doubt, coughed in the middle of her delivery, while Miley Cyrus (almost endearingly if I say) showed her nervousness, which humanized her. J Lo and Sam Worthington presented together, which was a highlight of the evening, but during all the Avatar jokes, the expressions on Zoe Saldana's and Sigourney Weaver's faces told everything about their irritation. Then Tom Hanks rushed on stage and hurriedly read off the winner of Best Picture.

Overall, this year was as boring as the set design: a few lamps strung together on stage.

Movie of the Year: Alice in Wonderland

2010-03-10T17:55:00.001-08:00

Hedorah and I recently completed a five viewing marathon of Tim Burton's latest masterpiece Alice in Wonderland. The word masterpiece is not good enough to describe this film. We both venture to say that this is the film of the year.

The story is well known to people who have read the beloved children's classic novel. Alice falls down the rabbit hole and enters Wonderland aka Underland, a strange, zany, and wondrous world populated by equally bizarre denizens, from talking animals and playing card soldiers.

Many things make this film memorable, magical, touching, and endearing.

You fall in love with the characters. Mallyumpkin, a mouse that brandishes a sword, is annoying but her fierce loyalty is lovable. Absolem, the cool caterpillar, is enlightening. The fat boys are secondary characters but their humorous banter lights up the screen. The rabbit in the waistcoat is nervous but an intelligent member of the troop. The White Queen, inspired by sexual tv chef Nigella Lawson, is a force of goodness, and is genuine and pure. Bayard the dog is diligent, kind, and protective of his family. The Red Queen is not one dimensional, but a complex, cruel, but sympathetic character because she isn't pretty and was disfavored by her parents. Even minor characters like the frog stewards in the Red Queen's court are lovable. Human characters such as Hamish, though he is ugly and delusional, are endearing in their simplicity. Aunt Imogen, who believes she is engaged to a prince, is a hilarious yet awesomely bizarre character (she's our second favorite). The Mad Hatter, played by chameleon Johnny Depp, of any character is the best. He is adorable and endearing. His lines are so profound and touching, and his scenes are equally humorous and heartwarming. I can't say enough of the Mad Hatter.

The film's message that mad people (aka the most original, true-to-themselves people) are the best kind of people is a powerful theme that sticks with you. The visuals in the movie are not cheap, but imaginative. The story is not just solid, but is of substance. Alice's journey in finding herself and recapturing imagination is a theme that touches everyone, it is through this that we can recapture the wonderment and magic of childhood, where we simply believe six impossible things before breakfast. One where the fact that there is no answer to the question "how is a raven like a writing desk?" an answer enough. One where friendship spans not only distance, but time and place itself. One where the measure of one's worth is their muchness, and can be found only inside oneself. One where madness is normal, and normalcy mad. A world where the best way to travel is by hat... a wonderland.

On the controversial scene of futterwacken: the dance scene catches the viewer off-guard upon the first viewing as it seems to come from nowhere; however, after a second viewing it makes sense as the futterwacken dance is alluded to repeatedly during the film. The scene is really kawaii and a highlight of many highlights.

A Single Man: Style over Substance

2010-03-10T06:49:00.001-08:00

The trailer for Tom Ford's directorial debut A Single Man got me interested: the repetitions of a ticking clock over sumtuously shot scenes, with a spattering of quotes that praised the film was a great way to capture interest. I was especially interested in seeing the masterwork of Julianne Moore on screen.

Yet A Single Man is ultimately a film of style over any real substance. George, a lonely man who had lost his partner eight months before, plans to kill himself. Along the day, he puts everything together for his suicide and talks to a few people who share his bitter, depressing world. This includes Charley, a woman who is poised to lose her good looks, and is holding her pitiful life together with drinking and smoking, while pining for George, who is ever unattainable.

My first complaint is that every other shot was an extreme closeup of an eye, a mouth, or the burning end of a cigarette. The first few times were arresting, but afterwards, the technique got tired rather quickly. The music in the movie was beautiful and urgent, but hearing the same damn song on repeat for two hours drilled it into your head. Julianne Moore, known as Freckleface Strawberry in her youth, was hardly in the film! Yet she was shown in all the trailers. I lamented her severely limited role, because her acting abilities (though routine) are astounding. The sexual tension of the film was ridiculous. George trolled about through life confronting men who looked like they just stepped off the runway but refused to do anything about it. I'm not saying he should have gone and screwed them all, it was just ridiculous that he found himself in that situation all the time.

The dialogue was unrealistic. No 20 year old college student speaks so enlightened and profound as the Mr. Potter character, and George never had a banal thought the whole movie. The symbolism was heavy handed, such as when George is pulled out of the water (oh he's saved from his drowning life, how deep!) Finally, the film seemed to be trying to make a grand point about life, death and love, but it was so full of points and themes and topics that it was weighted down and sunk. Some ideas were presented and went nowhere, others were so muddled and confused that it was baffling as to why they were included.

The worst part about this movie is that George resolves to live, then he suffers a heart attack after burning all the kind words he wrote out about the people close to him. Pointless death.

What I can praise is the art direction, it captured the 60s very well. The costumes were good as well, though black was overused.

Overall, the film was boring, pointless, directionless, and a monotonous repeat of the same music and shot style. There were even moments that the acting felt self conscious, like when George runs an inked finger across his mouth (it was a very "acting" moment, something that wouldn't happen in real life). The dearth of scenes with Julianne Moore, the fact that Colin Firth couldn't carry a movie, and that the film took itself too seriously (it was self conceited) made for a regrettable waste of two hours.

Pretentious and pointless.

The Best Twist Ending Ever

2010-03-06T09:58:00.001-08:00

"I See Dead People" move over, because Zombi 2 has the best twist ending in film history. Sure, the poison berries at the end of the Blue Lagoon is a huge twist, and the freezing of Han Solo in carbonite was an iconic cliffhanger, but Zombi 2's ending captures the flag of movie twist endings.

Thanks to Hedorah, I had the privilege, nay, the honor, of seeing Zombi 2. The undead prey on the humans of Mahtul, a tropical island where a doctor lives that can answer the questions of a young woman whose father died. The beginning of the movie provides a clue as to the end, after all, a zombie winds up falling into the Hudson Bay. After experiencing the awesome horrors of Mahtul, including the amazing eye gouging scene, the survivors board a boat only to hear over the radio that New York City has been over run by zombies.

As the realization of this new horror sinks in (they have nowhere to go), the beautifully haunting electronic score plays over a wide shot of a zombie horde overrunning the Brooklyn Bridge.

This twist is truly iconic. Some people deride it as campy, sexed up horror, but Zombi 2 is actually a cinematic masterpiece.

The Descent: Smart Horror

2010-03-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

When The Descent was first released, I remember hearing people say it was not a good a movie. I can see why they said that, as the story arc is non traditional, but the film was a profound take on a cliche genre. (Note: analysis of Sarah's character arc came from Hedorah)

The film is about a group of friends who reunite on the anniversary of one of their husband's and kid's death, and they plan to go cave diving in the Appalachian Mountains. Only one of the members is quite ambitious and leads them to an "undiscovered" cave system. The opening is somewhat slow, with the friends' personalities being established, but once they get into the caves the movie really picks up. After a few accidents, and some wrong twists and turns, the group of women confront creatures that devour human flesh. These creatures, as the women discover, are the devolved descendants from an original group of cavers who were trapped over a century ago. The really enemy are the girls themselves: as they battle the creatures, they ultimately battle themselves. Some are quick to turn on the others, others abandon their friends, still others make stupid mistakes that endanger the rest of the group.

Sarah, the grieving wife and mother, is the true center of this story. As they descend into the caves, her own mental paranoia and illusions become her reality. In a highly symbolic scene, Sarah emerges from a pool of blood, a baptism into insanity. She hallucinates to the point that when the viewer thinks she has escaped, she merely is resting on a pile of bones. In a touching twist, Sarah's last moments are spend looking at a torch, which she believes to be her daughter: thus mother and daughter are reunited, the fire of her daughter's life guiding her into death.

This movie was genuinely excellent because of its depth. The viewer desperately wants the girls to escape from the caves, but in the end, that never was the point. There is no way out. The film was very realistic, not only in exploring the devolution of the old cavers, but also in showing the downside of humanity. People will turn on you very quickly if it gives them a few extra minutes of life. The gore in this movie wasn't over the top, neither were the thrills and scares. It was this understated horror element that made the film a human drama set against the hell of the cave. The reveal of the creatures for the first time is practically iconic, and will startle even the most serious observer.

Nazi Zombies!: Dead Snow

2010-03-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

The last movie I talked about on There's Something Wrong With Esther was Wild Zero, an oddball Japanese zombie comedy. Today, I will cover Dead Snow, another foreign zombie comedy, that, while different in style and tone from Wild Zero, is equally funny and entertaining.

Dead Snow begins with a group of Norwegian med-students heading to a remote cabin in the mountains where they plan to party their spring break away. The characterization here is minimal. Each character is given one major distinguishing factor and that's pretty much it. Included are a "very single" gal, an overweight movie nerd (who provides a lot of the movie's self-aware humor), an aspiring doctor whose terrified of blood, and a cocky ex-military guy, among others. If this premise sounds familiar it's because it is. The creators of Dead Snow are well-aware of the cliches of the horror genre, and seem to have a lot of fun poking fun at them. As mentioned earlier, the chubby film nerd makes frequent references to other movies, and often pokes fun at the more tired elements of Dead Snow's plotline ("How many movies start with a group of friends on a trip to a cabin with no cell phone signal", he asks). While such dialogue was necessary to set the tongue in cheek tone of the movie, jokes like this could have easily become grating over an hour and a half long span of time. Luckily, it seems that the people behind Dead Snow were aware of this as the movie guy is the first member of our core group to die, and his death is a memorable one.

His death is caused by the central source of the mayhem behind Dead Snow: the Nazi-zombies. Nazi zombies are the film's main selling point, and the concept of these creatures is so brilliant that I can't believe they aren't in every movie. Just imagine Tron, Mama Mia, or March of the Penguins with Nazi zombies. See? They are brilliant in every scenario you could possibly place them in. On a slightly more serious note, these zombies worked for me mainly because of their look. The combination of the Nazi uniform, which is famously cold, sharp, and utilitarian looking, combined with the look of a rotting zombie body, which looks messy and organic, was a great combination. Also, I have always liked the idea of applying supernatural themes to real life historical event, whether it is done to communicate a serious message (as in the original Gojira), or for simply for the humor that results from the absurdity of it all (as is in Dead Snow).

It helps that the zombie makeup here is well done. The zombies have cold grey faces and mouths that spit blood. These zombies are creatures that really do look like monsters and not simply people in costumes. Watching them growl, trudge through snow banks, and stab our med-students in synchronization (yes, these zombies use weapons), is bizarrely entertaining. That said, these beings are still monsters, so you won't feel too bad for them as they are destroyed with all manners of weaponry. Zombie movies as a whole are generally a gory bunch, and Dead Snow is no exception. During the last half-hour of the movie, there are guts, brains, and blood galore flying across the screen non-stop. It is in the gruesome moments of the film that its delightfully dark sense of humor comes through, and it is here that Dead Snow becomes something awesome.

It's true that Dead Snow is not a flawless zombie epic- it's not entirely original either in premise or tone, and the first half of the film is a bit slow. These faults are forgivable, however, because Dead Snow does not attempt to be truly different or expertly paced. It merely wants to make the viewer laugh, and possibly makes them squirm. From my own experience, and from watching other's reactions, I would say that it does what it set out to do, and does it very well.

Shipping: Part Deux

2010-03-03T09:12:00.000-08:00

To give credit where credit is due, Hedorah suggested I take my shipping post "One Beard, Tree Ring and Bearding" one step further and analyse a real shipping community. Just a note before we begin: I am not making fun of these rabid fangirls, I myself am a Sydney and Vaughn shipper (I wish Michael Vartan and Jennifer Garner stayed together in real life. Alias fans will get this). So think of this like a semi-detached, semi-connected observer having a laugh.An Example of Syd and Vaughn Fan Art, a Staple of Shipping. Don't you love the name?

Two common and well supported shipping pairings include Draco and Harry from Harry Potter and Will and Jack from Pirates of the Caribbean. I love the first POTC movie, but Hedorah is right, Draco and Harry will make for a more entertaining pairing examination. They're like a classic in the genre.

To begin, a simple google search produces links to many different fansites of the Harry and Draco pairing. I tried to find a name for the Harry and Draco pairing, but further research indicates that the name Harry/Draco or Draco/Harry (depending on who is the dominate partner in the relationship) is the accepted shipper name, the slash obviously indicating the sexual nature of the relationship. From Wikipedia, I found a hilarious reaction of JK Rowling's when she first heard of the shipping community and Harry Potter:

"Well, you see, I'm a relative newcomer to the world of shipping, because for a long time, I didn't go on the net and look up Harry Potter. A long time. Occasionally I had to, because there were weird news stories or something that I would have to go and check, because I was supposed to have said something I hadn’t said. I had never gone and looked at fan sites, and then one day I did and oh - my - god. Five hours later or something, I get up from the computer shaking slightly [all laugh]. ‘What is going on?’ And it was during that first mammoth session that I met the shippers, and it was a most extraordinary thing. I had no idea there was this huge underworld seething beneath me."

Seems like Rowling herself doesn't entirely approve, or in the first least find funny, the shipping HP community. That she calls the community an "underworld" and uses a negative connotation word "seething," indicates her disapproval.

Complex Love, the Draco/Harry slashfic fanlisting, is an easy way to understand the motivation behind D/H shippers. As the webmaster writes: "They're just so perfect for each other <3.">

Doesn't the perverse look on Draco's face, and the passive/sated expression on Harry's just give you the creeps?! I inferred that Draco was the dominate partner in this pairing, given that he is the one clutching Harry, and his aggressive expression contrasts with the feminine one of Harry's. Looking into the matter further, the webmaster states that it is the Draco/Harry pairing the listing is dedicated to. Going by the rules of shipping names, Draco is the dominate partner.

On the Hex Files, a massive listing of slash fic for the Harry/Draco pairing, there is a gallery of fanart. I love fanart, in a sense that while some of it is of dubious quality, I find the artists' determination and admiration for their inspiration, well, oddly endearing. The H/D and D/H pairing is rife with what is termed "photo manipulations," an offshoot of traditional hand drawn fanart that consists of photos doctored together in suggestive poses. I braved entering the gallery, and was horrified by the porn that had been manipulated with the faces of the principles superimposed over those of the "adult actors." However, there were some downright humorous images, but the artists seem to have made these in earnest without the intent of humor. For example:

This was obviously a Draco/Harry shipper, why else would Harry be wearing the wedding gown a la Dennis Rodman? What troubles me most is that Harry Potter has breasts.

Harry/Draco slash shippers also have a perverted sense of humor. I found such lines as "do you want to ride my broomstick, Potter?" and "wanna touch wands?" on fanarts and in stories. While these puns aren't the most original, they bring a smirk to the face of the reader.

At The Silver Snitch (warning: the banner image is NSFW), a listing of slashfic, the most read story is a Harry/Draco pairing. This is indicative of the massiveness of the pairing's following. I mustered up the courage and clicked on a random chapter of the story "Secrets" by Vorabiza, and found the following excerpt to post:

But although he’d thought about Draco a lot, he hadn’t really thought about him in any romantic or sexual way. He couldn’t deny to himself, though, that he’d checked Draco out more than once recently. His cheeks flushed as he remembered stripping Draco down and washing him when he was injured. He’d been tired and concerned at the time, and it hadn’t been a time geared towards sexual perusal, but it didn’t stop Harry from picturing Draco’s body again now.He remembered holding Draco two nights before. Again, it hadn’t been a sexual moment in any way, but . . . it had felt good. It had felt comfortable and warm. And seeing Draco wandering around in just a pair of low-riding pyjama pants?

I didn't want, nor could I, read any further, lest the story get racier, if you catch my drift. What amazed me of this site is that a vast majority of the yaoi writers are female. You think it would be men who would write these, but people can surprise you.

Is it fair of Jo Rowling to call the HP shipping community a seething underworld? I'm not going to make a judgement in that regard, lest I appear to be judging. Rather, I think one should venture into the world and see for themselves, as I did for this post. Maybe 5 hours was enough for her but I only scratched the surface.

Some parting words: This post, and the previous one, are not meant to be offensive at all. They are merely finding humor in the fandom worlds. I realized while typing this that I myself have written fanfic (not of the sexual sort) about Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, Alias, and Twilight. I even wrote some Real Life Person Fanfic, about Madonna and Coldplay among others. I'm not embarrassed to admit that. What I realized while perusing through the world of Harry/Draco slash shipping, that what these people lack in talent and restraint, they make up in dedication and creativity. And that is admirable, or in the least, touching. So keep on shipping!

Masterpiece's The 39 Steps

2010-03-02T14:30:00.000-08:00

Sunday night, Masterpiece Classic aired "The 39 Steps," a remake of the Hitchcock classic that purports to be more faithful to the source material. Simply put, this was a disappointment.

"The 39 Steps" was about a man who has to run away from German spy hunters who want a code book he has. Along the way, he gets caught up with a suffragette. There's a "shocking" twist ending involving her coming back to life. The acting was solid, and the filming and music (while not groundbreaking) was competent.

What made the movie less than perfect was the myriad of historical inaccuracies. I'm not being nit picky by saying this either. The movie was set before WWI, but the clothing, cars, planes, etc were from all over the historical record: be it the 1900s, the 1910s, the roaring twenties or the miserable thirties. Hitchcock transported the story to before WWII, with Nazi spy hunters instead of Imperial ones, and I think that would have still been effective in the remake. There wasn't much chemistry between the main characters, which made the romance unbelievable. The story was so fast paced that I was left confused during the entire thing. It was like the audience never had a chance to catch up with every plot twist, in a very plot twist heavy story.

The casting seemed a little off. It wasn't a major problem of the piece whatsoever. However, Rupert Penry Jones (who played Wentworth in Persuasion) is more of a pretty boy than a rough-and-tumble spy. It would've been like casting Madonna as a garbage man, there's just something off about it. I also lament that David Haig, who is a stage actor of the highest calibre, had a bit part in this. Did he need the paycheck?

Masterpiece has had its share of hits and misses, but this was like any other TV movie, cheap and poorly produced. Next week's selection is an installment in the Sharpe series. With Padma Lakshmi of Top Chef starring in it, I am apprehensive about its quality but we shall see.

OneBeard, TreeRing, or Bearding

2010-03-01T19:32:00.000-08:00

I love the Internet. I don't love everything on the Internet. But I can find humor in some of the more benign perverse things (before your mind goes in the gutter keep reading). One such things are shipper websites. As Hedorah once pointed out, there are even CSI shippers. I'm not talking normal shipping, such as Buffy and Angel, or Scully and Muldar, but slash shippers.

But this makes me seem like I enjoy these yaoi pairings, so perhaps I should explain further.

Normal slash pairings are amusing because of their rabid fandom (usually fangirls), but it's those far out, left field, truly beyond the bizarre pairings that make me laugh. Here's an exercise: Think of the most random movie and now think of two obscure, background characters. I bet you there's a pairing for them!

Treebeard and the One Ring? Sure! Man holding baseball bat and waiter #2? Of course!

Even better are RLSPs, real-life shipper pairings. I've seen Bono and the Edge fansites, and even Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe divorce fan fic.

I also get a kick out of shipper names. Let's take Treebeard and the One Ring. Possible shipper names include OneBeard, TreeRing and Bearding.

So the next time you're bored, try thinking of a slash pairing that's really funny. I bet you there's someone out there who will actually like what you think is funny.

Does Gwyneth Paltrow hate Madonna?

2010-03-01T15:17:00.000-08:00

Gwen and M enjoying a Night Out with hanger-on Anne Hathaway

Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna have been friends for a long time. She and Chris Martin were great friends with Madonna and Guy Ritiche when they were married. Their stories were similar: both had lived in New York, both married a British bloke and moved to England, and both are bad actresses. Gwen even dabbles in the Kabballah, at least if wearing a red string and talking with Kabballah leader Michael Berg counts for that.

Gwyneth's blog, GOOP-Nourish the Inner Aspect, is a lifestyle site allowing the everyday person to live vicariously in the world of the rich and famous. Posh restuarants in London, hip shopping stores in Paris, and upscale hotels in NYC feature on the site. The latest celebrity diet, zero calorie recipes, and excercise regimens appears in some sections. Gwyneth is the like the Martha Stewart of the rich and famous, or she wants.

But this week's GOOP newsletter is distressing, or perhaps telling of a possible falling out between Gwyneth and Madonna.

Under the "BE" theme of the webite (other themes include DO, SEE, and EAT), Gwenyth writes:

"Friendship Divorce" “What do you do when you realize that although you may have years of history, and found real value in each other in times past, that you kind of don't like a friend anymore? That, after time spent with this person, you feel drained, empty, belittled or insulted. My father always used to tell me that, ‘you can't make new old friends.’ How do you distinguish if someone in your life makes you change for the better or if you are better off without them?”

I don't know if Madonna and Gwennie had a falling out, but it would be sad. For Gwen, because Madonna can offer advice as to how to cope with a husband on the road; for Madonna to feel more in touch with another human being's feelings. Madonna got parenting advice from Gwen; Gwen helped Madonna through her divorce. But rumors of a rift began when Madonna jetted off to NYC to re-establish herself in the city that made her famous, and Gwen moved to LA to film Iron Man 2. Rumors of a possible divorce between Chris and Gwen may reunite the two friends (if they did have a falling out). After all, someone said misery makes good company.

That Gwen got Madonna to push the tram is the day hell froze over.

In Theatres: Valentine's Day

2010-02-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

"Valentine's Day" directed by Gary Marshall, features an all star cast of today's A-List celebrities. The premise is simple: the movie follows the stories of a bunch of people in LA on Valentine's Day, a romcom of the ups and downs of love. The movie was the right blend of saccharine and superficial.

The best parts of this movie were when the characters actually had chemistry. It was wonderful to see Julia Roberts return to the big screen, and she connected well with Bradley Cooper. Her story as a soldier returning home was a little difficult to believe at first (Julia, a soldier?) but she managed to make the character worthwhile. Jennifer Garner always manages to be youthful, cute, and warm at the same time. And her role was different for her, as the other woman. I despise Taylor Swift, but she got the most laughs in the theatre, deservedly so, as the ditsy high schooler. Julia's niece Emma showed a lot of promise as an actress, playing a more sanitized version of Juno. Rounding out the better part of the cast was the beautiful Jessica Biel, whose scenes were hilarious (especially when she was on her treadmill and it sped up while she tried to get the phone, classic romcom!).

This movie would have been better had the film been a series of vignettes rather than drawing out the story lines. The cast was so massive that some of the characters got lost along the way. Each story focused on a different type of relationship, at a different stage, so it would have made for a better movie to have gone from the high schoolers to the old married couple, in self contained short films.

The major drawback of this film was the storyline about the little boy. I am completely disgusted by love sick kids in movies. First, kids don't have the hormones yet to be attracted to people. Second, why the hell to people think it's so darn cute? NO! It's just creepy. I wish Jennifer Garner (who played the boy's teacher) would have acted more appropriately creeped out when he was hitting on her, as she could lose her job a la Mary Kay Laterneau. Plus, aren't kids falling in love so cliche?!

Jamie Foxx' ego is so big that it dominates everything he's in, including this movie. Eric Dane, though funny in this movie, isn't exactly an A-List star. Jessica Alba's and Patrick Dempsey's characters were thoroughly unlikeable. And though Shirley McLaine gave a great performance, her character was unlikable too.

The best story lines were between Anne Hathaway and Topher Grace as a young couple who were dating for just two weeks, Taylor Launter and Taylor Swift as the high school airheads, Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper on the plane, and Jennifer Garner and Ashton Kutcher as two friends who don't realize they love each other yet.

This wasn't a perfect movie. The characters were undeveloped (there were just far too many to give them much focus, especially Queen Latifah) and the story was disconnected. However, a few hours after seeing the movie I realized I was in a good mood, and if anything, a movie such as this should do just that.

Track of the Week: "3 Words"

2010-02-28T10:07:00.000-08:00

Can't believe it's already the fourth week! With Track of the Week, we've been trying to highlight some current or forthcoming music. This week we're taking a trip across the pond.

"3 Words" by Cheryl Cole, from the album "3 Words"

A tabloid fixture in her native Britain, and a member of the supergroup "Girls Aloud," Cheryl Cole recently launched her solo career to great acclaim and commercial success. She's astonishingly beautiful, and that can sometimes distract from her work.

"Fight For this Love," was the typical dance pop of Girls Aloud, but for her second single, Cheryl Cole released "3 Words," a laid back, slightly electronic/acoustic song. Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas features on the track, but he doesn't detract from the song's appeal. The song slowly builds momentum until it hits the chorus, a quiet confession about someone being "the love of my life."

The video is really more interesting than the song itself, with long tracking shots, kaleidoscope effects, and somewhat of a Dali/Elizabeth Taylor vibe.

Hopefully Cheryl gets back with Girls Aloud, but until then the cool electronica of her solo album is a real treat.

Jabba the Hutt: Renaissance Man

2010-02-27T10:32:00.000-08:00

“Imagine if you will... the most ominous creature in existence. Now imagine that this creature is the ruthless leader of the most dangerous cutthroats in the galaxies.”

That’s how Kenner’s 1984 toy catalog described one of the most brilliant creations in the history of mankind: Jabba the Hutt.

Jabba the Hutt is vastly underappreciated. The poor Hutt is lampooned and jeered at all over, whether in movies or on the internet. He has been reduced to a symbol of the greed and gluttony of America. Jokes are made that fat people are Jabba, which if anything, is quite an unfair comparison for poor Mr. Hutt. He can’t help that his anatomy is made to me large. People, on the other hand, aren’t.

Jabba the Hutt was cunning and intelligent. No one can get to the top without the right amount of brains (granted, Jabba had the all the guards money can buy to make a point if the powers of his intellect weren’t enough). Jabba was also a caring Hutt. He once saved Ephant Mon on the ice moon of Glakka by shielding him with his body. Only the most caring person would risk their own life to save a trusted comrade. Sadly, even in his own universe, Jabba was misunderstood. Everyone in his court plotted against him, save for Ephant. Jabba expertly made sure to pit his courtiers against each other, thereby distracting them from finishing him off. Jabba even had an appreciation for art, of the carbonite sort. He was a patron of dancing and music, employing a band and a dance troupe in his desert palace.

If it wasn’t for that stupid slave girl and her Jedi friend, Jabba would be basking in the coolness of his palace on the arid sand dunes of Tatoonie at this moment.

Jabba was a renaissance man. Only someone so amazing would be so misunderstood. Greatness is too much for people.

So whenever you watch Star Wars again, or before you are about to make a Hutt joke, think about the Hutt you are making fun of. He is surprisingly not at all who think he is.

Jabba is also very kawaii!

Profound and Entertaining: Tokyo Gore Police

2010-02-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

I don't feel as qualified as Hedorah to review this film, but as I really enjoyed this film, I'll give it a go.

"Tokyo Gore Police" is the latest in the wondrous world of j-horror, second to only "Machine Girl" in zaniness and awesomeness. A virus created by "The Key Man" (so called as his calling card, like the puzzle piece of Jigsaw, is a key shape) turns people in "Engineers," people who once injured, grow weapons from the point of injury. The TGP are an elite group of engineer hunters, who track down and destroy the Engineers from further spreading the virus. Ruka, who helps the TGP track down the Engineers, is looking for the killer of her father. Ruka meets the Key Man, who tells her about the corruption of the TGP. I won't cover the rest of the movie, because it's just too good to spoil. Seriously, you must watch this movie.

What makes it so great?

Gore. gore. gore. And more gore. Like "Machine Girl," TGP is full of geysers of blood spraying at the slightest injury. One notable scene is when a woman at a transit stop is cut into bits and pieces, her blood put into bottles, and her dismembered body neatly placed in a box. Any viewer will be left speechless at how sublime this truly is. When Ruka is harassed on a train, she teaches a lesson by cutting the mans hands off, which literally rain blood. The scene of her walking away, in a modern version of a Geisha's gown, with an umbrella shielding her from the blood is truly visual poetry. I'm not saying that to be funny, it really is a wonderfully composed shot.

Weirdness. Japanese culture is one of the best because it fully embraces weirdness. There's a scene where an Engineer grows a crocodile lower body to attack someone. Another engineer grows a giant penis (never thought I'd write that). The truly breathtaking, speechless scene in the movie takes place in what I call the Deformed Fetish Pleasure Club. A blend of a freak show and a cabaret, the weirdness of this club reaches unparalleled heights. A woman is no longer a woman, but a flattened piece of skin who is addicted to morphine. One woman had turned into a snail, her eyes like antenna. Another woman has sprouted a penis in place of her nose.

The depth. The club scene is one example of how enlightening and profound this movie is. It shows how desensitized society has become to the most debased sexual perversions, and how people will stop at nothing to satiate their sickened curiosities. Interspersed throughout the film are brief commercials which show that the country has become a police state, relying on martial law at the expense of individual freedoms. Other commercials show kids eagerly cutting their wrists with kawaii cutters, which conveys the troubled state today's youth is in, and ironically how widespread violence is.

If you want to be entertained on one level by campy gore and zaniness, watch this movie. If you want to intellectually stimulated and ponder the state of society, as presented through ironic and brilliant satire, watch this movie too.

The gore delights of Tokyo Gore Police await you!

Counting Down the Best RomComs

2010-02-26T17:04:00.000-08:00

Hedorah requested I countdown the best romcoms of all time, and so I shall. Basic conventions of the romcom include:

1) The meet cute. This is a term used by film studies people to describe the situation, always humorous and unintended on the part of the characters, when the two people meet. In Serendipity, it's selecting the same pair of gloves at the same time and having to fight over it.

2) The love-hate dynamic. The said couple is intensely attracted to each other, but at first is reluctant to admit it so they are often dismissive of each other. It makes for great comedy as they try and battle the sexual tension.

3) The best friend. Usually a fat broad or a lonely gay guy, the best friend is dependable but never outshines the lead. The best friend in modern romcoms is almost exclusively played by Judy Greer. (No kidding, she is in almost all the romcoms! As Timothy Spall is to ugly roles, Judy Greer is to the best friend role).

4) The break up. After dating and really enjoying each other for a while, a very obvious misunderstanding causes the couple to break up. The girl sits on the couch, wearing frumpy clothes, and watches TV while eating out of an ice cream carton (see: Bridget Jones). The guy pours himself into his work and hangs out with his friends playing sports but missing his girl.

5) The get back together. Against their every wish, the couple is thrust back together in a humorous situation (a la the balloon ride scene in The Ugly Truth) and then reconcile and fall in love all over again.

The appeal of romcoms lies in this predictability. You go to the theatre expecting the outcome, and therefore can sit back and enjoy it without being preoccupied.

Without further delay, the best romcoms:

10) Shakespeare in Love - 1998. A story about Shakespeare falling in love that is built around the plot line of Romeo and Juliet and Twelfth Night, this movie is one of two romcoms to win a Best Picture Oscar. To say that it's excellent is a disservice to this movie. Gwyneth Paltrow stars as the love interest of Shakespeare, played by the long-necked Joseph Fiennes. Judi Dench's less than 15 minutes on screen as Elizabeth I is so captivating, that she won an Oscar. I adore this film.

9) Something's Gotta Give - 2003. I'm not too much of a fan of Diane Keaton and her bizarre turtle-neck sweater fetish, but this is a great movie. Jack Nicholson is dating her daughter, but as the two spend more and more time together, they fall in love. Along the way, Diane goes out with a handsome young doctor, played by a surprisingly not-wooden Keanu Reeves, which foils the relationship of the crusty Jack Nicholson and Amanda Peet. The heart attack scene is so funny. I love the ending in Paris, where they finally confess their love for each other. It's Complicated has nothing on this movie.

8) The Very Thought of You - 1998. Joseph Fiennes reappears on our list in this underground British romcom. A really pretty girl abandons her problematic life in America and buys a $99 ticket to London on a whim to start over. Three men, all very good friends, fall in love with her but as they tell each other their stories, they don't realize it's the same woman. Joe ends up with her in the end. Great humor, and a very magical story, and marvelous acting make this clever movie a departure from the norm.

7) Bridget Jones's Diary - 2001. Renee Zellwegger gained a lot of weight for her role as the large ditz with an out-of-her-hands life. Based liberally on Pride & Prejudice, the plot is the same as its source material. Hilarious jokes and frank British sexual humor spruce it up, along with the normally dull Colin Firth parodying himself as Mr. Darcy. A classic of the modern genre.

6) 13 Going on 30 - 2004. Jennifer Garner plays a girl who desperately wanted to be popular in high school. She gets sent forward in time to find that she's a successful business woman and popular. But when she reconnects with her best friend from school, and falls for him, she realizes that being popular made her a mean person and gives it all up to go back. The 80s flashbacks to high school are excellent, with a Madonna soundtrack and funny pop culture references. The scenes of Jennifer Garner getting used to being 30 are hilarious.

5) The Awful Truth - 1937. Cary Grant and Irene Dunne star as a couple who are married but are getting a divorce. They spend a humorous evening together going to a party, then travelling to her uncle's house confronting the issues in their relationship. In the end, they wind up falling back in love. Two memorable scenes include the singing scene at the party, and the car falling down a slope near the end. Though old, this is a classic of the genre and is humorous and safe for the whole family.

4) Bringing Up Baby - 1938. Another oldie but goodie. A tiger, a stiff by-the-book guy, and a vivacious girl collide in a rollicking, humorous adventure. The film is heavy on slapstick with the tiger, but it's a true classic. Katherine Hepburn is impeccable as usual, in a comedic departure from her usual dramas. Cary Grant stars as the straight laced man who falls in love with her.

3) The Wedding Singer - 1998. Adam Sandler plays a loser who teaches music, who falls in love with Drew Barrymore, a nice girl who's dating the wrong guy. Set in the 1980s, the film is rife with hilarious references to the pop culture of the decade. The soundtrack, featuring Madonna among others, is one of the best compilations ever. It is a virtual greatest hits of the decade. The supporting cast is spot on, and the humorous but touching ending on the plane is silly but fun. This movie is really just a good time as any!

2) Catch and Release - 2006. I was hesitant to include this on the list at first, because it's more of a drama. The radiant and under appreciated Jennifer Garner plays a girl whose fiance dies on their wedding day. She falls in love with his best friend, the ne'er-do-well photographer Fritz (who is currently starring as the cop in "The Crazies"), while overcoming her grief and the revelation that she didn't know her fiance as well as she thought. The filming is beautiful, and the movie is actually a step above its own genre. The humor of the movie is largely provided by Juliette Lewis, playing a hippy, and Kevin Smith, who plays Fritz' fat but funny roommate. A touching ending pulls on the heart strings. This is a marvelous gem of a movie.

1) Never Been Kissed - 1999. Drew Barrymore plays a reporter for the Chicago Sun Times who goes undercover as a high school student. She's was a loser then, and starts off as a loser now. But then she falls for her irresistible English teacher, played by Michael Vartan. She masquerades as a popular girl but then everything blows up in her face as he discovers her deception. The ending is amazing, and makes this movie earn the number one spot. Drew is funny as usual, and really carries the movie. Alias fans will appreciate Mike's turn as the teacher. Oh, and Madonna's Like a Prayer is in this movie too.

Worst romcom: Maid of Honor

Honorable mention best romcoms: The Wedding Planner and The Proposal

To the cashier at the Borders on the corner of Halsted & North in Chicago, I've seen The Holiday, it wasn't as good as you said.

"Hey mister, do you know 'Rock 'n Roll'?": Wild Zero

2010-02-25T21:34:00.000-08:00

Like the hordes of undead themselves, zombie comedies are overrunning the pop culture landscape. This sub-genre's reign shows no signs of slowing down. Last year alone saw the release of numerous books and movies that cast a humorous light on the undead. Most notably there was the New York Times bestseller Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (a goofy reworking of the Jane Austen classic), Death Troopers (the first Star Wars horror novel and the only book in the history of literature to feature zombie wookies), and the crowd pleasing Zombieland. So what makes this blend so appealing? I can't speak for everyone, but I believe that, when done correctly, a zombie comedy is a delicious mix of action, horror, and pure insanity. Wild Zero, a Japanese movie from 2000, is such a mix.

Wild Zero opens with a view of the Earth as seen from outer space. Hundreds of UFOs swarm across the screen. They are arriving to launch the zombie apocalypse and doom us all. Wild Zero, if you couldn't guess from this, is a movie that doesn't take itself seriously. The UFO plot point is ripped straight from no-budget 1950's science fiction. In particular it seems to be a nod to Plan 9 From Outer Space, a favorite amongst fans of "so bad it's good" cinema. This should give you a hint as to the tone of Wild Zero- it's crazy, campy, and makes no attempt to slow down and think about things.

As one would expect, the characters that populate the world of Wild Zero are as colorful as can be. Our hero is Ace, a rock 'n roll fanboy who wants nothing more in life than to be just like his favorite band, Guitar Wolf. Guitar Wolf is a real Japanese rock band which consists of three band members who go by the matter-of-fact stage names Guitar Wolf, Bass Wolf, and Drum Wolf. All three have starring roles in Wild Zero playing exaggerated versions of themselves to great comedic effect. It's hard not to love Guitar Wolf. They all dress in a simple uniform that consists of black leather jackets, sunglasses, and slicked-back hair. In between battles with the undead, they scream into microphones that shoot fire, offer advice against intolerance ("Love has no borders, nationalities, or genders!"), and make Ace their rock 'n roll blood brother (when Ace is in danger, he can blow a whistle to summon the band to his aid). The majority of the soundtrack consists of Guitar Wolf songs, and they, like the movie itself, are loud, fast, obsessed with B-grade sci-fi and horror, and distinctly Japanese.

Standing in Guitar Wolf and Ace's path to happiness is hundreds of hungry undead. The zombies in Wild Zero are an odd bunch of creatures. They have blueish complexions, similar to the zombies in Dawn of the Dead (1978), but unlike that crowd, the creatures in Wild Zero can speak, and they seem to have clear memories of their lives pre-zombification. In one humorous yet bizarre scene a zombie attempts to trick a group of humans into thinking he is one of the living.

While the zombies themselves are entertaining, the majority of the special effects surrounding them are pretty bad, and are easily the weakest part of the movie. The zombie makeup is passable, but could've used some touching up. The computer generated exploding zombie heads, however, are atrocious looking, and represent everything that is wrong with CG gore. It doesn't help that Wild Zero was made in the early 2000's, making such poor effects look dated as well as cheap. Luckily, this is not a movie that relies on special effects to propel the zombie mayhem. Instead, it uses the strong personalities of its characters to grab your attention, which makes the subpar gore more forgivable than it might be in another story.

In fact, I would argue that the true villain of Wild Zero is not the zombie horde, but rather a greedy, sleazy, club owner with a passion for criminally short shorts. While a money hungry business man is not exactly a new character concept, the way this man dresses, speaks, and acts is totally unique, totally hilarious, and very different than anything I could imagine seeing in an American movie of this style. I would even say that Wild Zero is worth looking into just to see this outrageous character.

Wild Zero is a movie created for a specific taste. It is crazy, random, fast, loud, and packs in as much fun per minute as is humanly possible. Its something you either "get" or you don't. For the record, I get the joke of Wild Zero, and it never gets old.

In Appreciation of Vera Farmiga

2010-02-23T13:49:00.000-08:00

Now that she's nominated for an Oscar, Vera Farmiga has entered the acting big leagues. I've loved Vera's work for some time now. She is a rare talent like Cate Blanchett: a chameleon. Give her any role and she isn't just herself playing a character, she becomes the character.

Vera's most notable stint to date has been the love intereste of Matt Damon in "The Departed." Her character could potentially be one dimensional, but she gave a nuanced portrayal. Then she starred as the mother in "Orphan," from which our blog title derives. The movie took a nosedive into cliche toward the middle, but her acting was excellent as usual. She played a tortured mother, trying to get over alcoholism and raise some kids. Then she was in "Up in the Air," for which has received her Oscar nomination. The movie was extremely bad, and it's appeal was strictly to the midlife crisis crowd. It was so boring, had poor humor, and was very crude. But Vera's stint in the movie was a good foil to George Clooney's character.

Vera's best movie is the Korean drama "Never Forever." She plays a woman married to a successful Korean businessman. She feels keen pressure from his traditional family to get pregnant but can't. She is driven in her desperation to sleep with another Korean man, a stranger she meets. Over time, as her husband becomes increasingly selfish in the face of her unknown sacrifices, she falls for the stranger. The soundtrack is beautiful, but the film itself is as close to poetry as a motion picture can get. Shots of New York City looked like paintings. The lighting and cinematography people were really good. Vera's acting as the tortured wife was excellent. I wish she won an Oscar for this movie, or at least some Korean film award.

Keep watching Vera's career. She's consistent and will surely rise.

Is it just me or does she look like a hybrid of Cate Blanchett and Patricia Arquette?

Rant: "No wonder there's panic in the industry"

2010-02-21T12:58:00.000-08:00

Britney sung this line in her cold and calculated anthem of not caring what people think about her in “Piece of Me.”

The music industry suffered during the 2000s. The beginning of the decade saw massive success, from artists like Britney and the Backstreet Boys. But toward the middle of the decade, as bubblegum pop became replaced by hiphop and indie, sales lagged. This is indicative of the quality of the latter genres.

Hiphop/R-n-B/rap, whatever you want to call it, is horridly unoriginal. Sure, there are some songs that are passably enjoyable (Jay Sean’s “Down”) but they are so trite that their enjoyment shelf life is relatively short. Hiphop relies on samples (aka blatantly stealing from previous hits) which shows how, in a way, ignorant the listening public is. Classic songs like “You Spin Me Round” are largely (and regrettably) forgotten by the biggest consumer demographic, the young, and incorporated into such rotten songs as Florida’s “Right Round.” Yes, it’s catchy upon a first listen but then the sadness of the sample/stealing sinks in. Who doesn’t enjoy the campy, so-cheap-its-good video, expressive vocal work, and bright dance beats of the original Dead or Alive/Pete Burns classic? Sadly, the answer is not a lot of people these days. Hiphop also relies on auto-tune to make up for the lack of talented vocalists. The robotic effect is awesome sounding, but when Kanye West used it on his latest album, it just about died for me. A rapper cannot sing, and thus must heavily computerize his vocal work.

If I even try to tackle the indie genre, this post would last for years. I’ll just say this much, Billboard said that indie suffered the most in terms of sales in 2009 and that made me very happy.

But what of pop/rock? 2007-2008 was an excellent period of music releases. Britney’s “Blackout” came out in 2007. A combination of dark synthpop and urban dance, it was her least commercially successful album but her best artistic work, and a worthy successor to the excellent “In the Zone.” Kylie Minogue’s comeback after battling cancer, “X” was released in 2007 (2008 in the US). A joyous celebration of life and fun, Kylie’s album was a shameless throwback to the 80s produced pop that made her a megastar. Coldplay released “Viva la Vida, or Death and All his Friends” in 2008. 2005’s “X&Y” was a sonic masterpiece that created its own sound: a fusion of dance and rock. “Viva la Vida” is a masterpiece in its own right: a musical exploration of such lofty themes as life and death. I have so many good memories of seeing them in concert supporting the album that I literally cannot listen to the album anymore. It’s too emotional, as cheesy as that sounds. Madonna released “Hard Candy” in 2008. Every song is excellent and fun on their own, but when placed together, the album paled in comparison to her 2005 album “Confessions on a Dance Floor,” which was one of her best albums ever. Madonna, sadly, fell into the hiphop trap, what crap. It’s a sad thing when the woman who set the trends for the last 20 some odd years begins to follow them. Her relevance in the US market is pretty much lost under the weight of all the Gagas, Katy Perrys, and Mileys of the world.

Then came 2009. Lady Gaga was really the only good thing that came out of that year. Notice I didn’t say great. She stands out from all the other music, but in her own way, she also neatly fits into it all. As stated in an earlier post, she has time to develop a unique place in the musical landscape. Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold” was so poppy and upbeat, but songs like “I Kissed a Girl” and “Thinking of You” are the most rotten things you’ll hear in a while. She doesn’t sing very well, has a weird fruit fetish, and tries way to hard to be that “weird sexy rock chick.” Miley Cyrus managed to cross over from the tween market to the mainstream, but “Party in the USA” is no masterpiece. Britney released her album “Circus” in late 2008. The album, aside from its singles and standout track “Unusual You,” was boring, dull, and bland. I listened to it once. A single from her greatest hits album, “3” was really one of the only good songs of the year, because of its unabashed rave sound. The Black Eyed Peas ruled the charts with monster hits “Boom Boom Pow” and “I Gotta Feeling,” both so overplayed and manufactured that their success mystifies me.

2009 was also the year of Taylor Swift, and if I tried to relate my feelings about this talenteless girl, whose grateful persona is getting so old, then I'd waste my whole life ranting.

2010 has started off on the wrong foot. Newcomer Ke$ha’s song “Tik Tok,” which obviously steals its entire backing track from Kylie’s far superior “Love at First Sight,” was fun for the first two listens, but after discovering its thievery, its trashy party-all-night-and-get-drunk message makes me cringe. But there is hope yet. Madonna, Kylie, and Britney have albums due out this year, and Lady Gaga may release her third sometime near Christmas. I’m not saying the whole music industry relies on their success, nor that everyone will enjoy what they put out, but they’re all well established and for the most part, consistent.

But then again, for every Kylie, Madonna and Britney, we also are promised with a release by Justin Beiber, the inevitable tween crazy Twilight soundtrack, and a new Katy Perry album…like we need any of those.

Track of the Week: Monster

2010-02-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

"Monster" by Lady GaGa from the album "The Fame Monster."

Seeing as we reviewed Lady GaGa and The Wolfman movie this week, I've chosen Lady Gaga's "Monster" as the Track of the Week.

"Monster" is one of the best tracks from the album. It is dark, eerie and epic all at the same time. The opening robotic cries of "He ate my heart" practically make the song excellent by themselves. The electronic dance track is as dark as the lyrics, which relate the story of Gaga's Monster consuming her completely. We get the sense that this wasn't a nice guy. The bridge of the song is astonishing, as Gaga sings "we french kissed on a subway train, he ate my heart and then he ate my brain." The prechorus, in which Gaga sings about wondering who the Monster is on the dancefloor, has the best melody on the entire album.

Gaga performed monster in an homage to to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" (an excellent campy horror film!) on her Monster Ball Tour. Dressed in a black feathered cape with feathered mask, images of ravens and a forest flashed across a red background video.

The song isn't single worthy, as say "Alejandro" or "Bad Romance," but it is a highlight of the album. It's dark, entrancing lyrics, powerful dance beats, and arena-sized melody, makes for an enjoyable and bewitching three minutes.

On TV: Masterpiece's Persuasion

2010-02-21T08:48:00.000-08:00

Tune into Masterpiece Classic on PBS tonight for a magical and sumptuous adaptation of Jane Austen’s “Persuasion.”

Jane Austen wrote “Persuasion” on her death bed, and if anything it is a novel of regrets. It is her most serious work, without the frilliness of some of her other novels. Anne Elliot was in love with the dashing, but poor, Captain Wentworth many years ago. She was persuaded by a friend of the family to reject his marriage proposal. She never saw him again. Life past by her with longing and pining. Her youth faded away as her father, sister, and a hanger-on, Ms. Clay, continued with their typical selfish and vain ways. Baronet Elliot is forced to lease his estate to an admiral because of the threat of financial ruin. Anne goes to the country to stay with her sister (who provides the only typical Austen humor of the novel, though in this case quite sad as she is so self centered). Then Captain Wentworth shows up, more rich and more handsome than ever. He treats her quite rudely at first but they are forced to spend time together as her sister’s in-laws and the admiral enjoys spending time with him. The company goes to Lyme Regis, a coastal resort town and Anne takes care of her niece who gets injured. This reawakens Wentworth’s love for her, seeing that she is, and always was, a good person. She goes to Bath to see her father and Ms. Clay. They attend the social events of the popular resort city. While attending a concert she can bear it no longer, she must tell Wentworth her feelings. They defy the social conventions of the day and leave the concert only to be cut short. Later, Anne and Wentworth finally have an opportunity to tell each other that they still love each other.

This adaptation captures the moving yet poignant aspects of the story. Sally Hawkins plays Anne Elliot with quiet earnestness. Rupert Penry Jones is so good as Wentworth, it’s as if he jumped from the page to the screen. Anthony Head (who starred in “Repo! The Genetic Opera”) captures the vanity and selfishness of Mr. Elliot. Alice Krige plays the meddling but well-meaning Lady Russell that persuades Anne.

There’s a debate in the Janeite community about this film: some hate and some love it. The direction is flowing. The filming locations are beautifully shot: whether the waves crashing at Lyme Regis, the damp cobblestones of the Georgian Crescent in Bath, or the verdant green lawns of the countryside, the scenery will stick with you. The music, composed by the masterful Martin Phipps, is gorgeous. It captures the poignancy and passion of the story deftly. My only gripe is the costumes, they don’t change clothes that often. The ending scene, when Anne runs down the stone streets of Bath caused a stir, but this minor change from the novel is a moving and touching scene.

If you’re in for a wonderful, compelling, and tender film watch “Persuasion.” It’s not fluffy by any means, and is quite a serious, mature story. Regrets are turned into happiness in this, the best of Austen’s stories.

Imperfection is Sometimes Perfect

2010-02-20T11:18:00.000-08:00

"I'm Going to Tell You a Secret's" cover image is beautiful, showing the artist alone in the light.

Live albums sometimes eclipse their studio counterparts. Live albums capture the electricity and power of a live concert, that extra magic and wonder, that special "moment," that makes concerts so great: that connection between thousands of fans in one room, at one time, united by the music. Studio albums are perfect, controlled pieces of music. Live albums capture the idiosyncrasies of a live performance, when perhaps not every note is hit just right, or the arrangement of the song differs from the studio version. These make the live recording special and unique.

Madonna released "I'm Going to Tell You a Secret" in 2006, on the heels of her highly successful "Confessions" project. The documentary, an inside look at her life behind the scenes of her Re-Invention Tour, and the highs and lows of being a star, is an excellent testament to her message. The accompanying CD, is sadly overlooked. Perhaps its because the parent album "American Life" was one of her most excellent works yet, or because it was her first proper live album, but it deserves a five star rating.

Madonna's voice is what makes this album so great. It's not the soft vocals of her albums, but a raspy, sometimes flat voice, at times strained, whose secret to success is its strength. She is a powerhouse on this album, belting out with all her might. We are rarely treated to such a performance by Ms. Ciccone.

"The Beast Within," a reworking of her sexual magnum opus "Justify my Love," sees Madonna reciting bible passages from the Book of Revelations, this segues into "Vogue," which is mimed in concert from a recording but still thunders. "Nobody Knows Me," a pounding electro song about her rejecting the material world (yeah, right) is followed by a rock and roll version of "American Life," replete with bomb effects and the infamous rap, herein screamed in a strained voice. An Eastern-influenced electronic remix of "Hollywood" segues into the robotic orchestra of "Die Another Day." "Lament," a resounding ballad from "Evita," is one of the high points of the album. She really belts it out on this track. Things continue soaring upward with a thundering rendition of the always powerful "Like a Prayer." The autobiographical song "Mother and Father" is touching and sung in the same high pitch as its studio version. A surprisingly touching rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine" features Madonna leading the audience in the arena in a singalong. The result is powerful. Ominous Scottish bagpipes and drums reverberate as a fusion of Celtic, dance and hiphop rhythms collide in a memorable version of "Into the Groove." "Music" is reinvented as a fierce, bubbling dance song sung by Madonna in an alternatingly deep and high voice. "Holiday" features tribal drums and powerful, throaty vocals that end the concert in a celebratory manner. A bonus track, the original rock version of "I Love New York" is a vast improvement on the released version. Madonna's singing is sweet (as in endearing) and the lyrics don't seem so silly.

Madonna's voice is excellent and carries the record, imperfections and all. It must be said though, that people who aren't fans may easily dismiss the album because of they could perceive the singing as downright awful. The CD segues seamlessly, though perhaps a proper double album of all the songs would have been better. But this under appreciated album deserves more love.

Madonna's strained but strong rendition of "Like a Prayer"

Cliche Movie Lines

2010-02-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

We at “Something’s Wrong with Esther” absolutely adore movies. Movies are magical. But like anything, they can sometimes suffer from clichés. Therefore, we are listing some cliché movie lines in today’s post:

“Which wire do I cut?”

I don’t know a thing about bombs. Maybe bombs really do have a green, red and blue wire (neatly color coded!) in an even array by a ticking timer. But seriously, aren’t bombs in real life messy homemade affairs? Unless a terrorist has time to run out to Radio Shack and has the foresight to color code his devious intentions, I find such scenes appalling. It’s always the blue wire too! Green and red aren’t bad, so why does blue get to be the good guy lifesaver?

“I love you but I’m not in love with you.”

There have been plenty of TV shows and movies that have used this line. Usually a character (most likely female as this is seen as a ‘nice or more understandable’ reason than a guy just screwing someone) cheats on their spouse and when confronted, uses this line as an excuse. How does this excuse adultery?! I mean, why, why, why? And it sounds like semantics too: how is loving someone different from being in love with someone? If aliens are picking up on the broadcast signals drifting out into the great void of space, they’re probably confused by messy human emotions.

“Well, today’s a good day.”

A cancer stricken protagonist utters this in a forlorn manner when asked by their caring friend/family member how they’re doing. Cancer sucks. I’m sure people with cancer, like everybody else, have their good and bad days but in movies its always where they have that one day to go to the beach, watch the sunset behind the Eiffel Tower or watch their kids frolic in the snow and then they die. The one good day is a cheesy plot device akin to the calm before the storm. It’s always that the one good day gets cut short by cancer.

Kill Or Be Killed: The Wolfman (2010)

2010-02-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

It's been said that, finally, the vampire trend that has dominated the pop culture landscape for the last few years is finally reaching its close. Its successor? The werewolf story.

Leading the pack of the upcoming crop of werewolf films is The Wolfman, a remake of the classic 1941 movie of the same name. While this version of The Wolfman deviates from the original in major plot points, each story starts off basically the same. Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro), the son of a wealthy Englishman, has lived in America for years, making a living as a Shakespearean actor. He has a slightly tense relationship with his father (Anthony Hopkins), and the two have not spoken for some time. It is not until his brother's mysterious disappearance that Lawrence is drawn back to his childhood home.

The home he returns to is a large mansion, covered in dust and cobwebs and dripping with atmosphere. The mansion itself is a perfect example of The Wolfman's visual style. Every floor tile and brick is made to look weathered, worn, and dusty. The colors are vivid and bold, with every setting making a statement, yet blending perfectly into one another. The green plains of the English countryside transition neatly into the dusky interiors of the Talbot estates which meld with the sterile whites of a mental asylum. All in all, the world of The Wolfman looks fantastic. It is exactly the kind of setting where one would could imagine monsters prowling about under the moonlight.

The gore and creature effects, generally, look pretty good too. Lawrence's bone-crunching transformation sequences are my favorite moments in the entire movie. The grinding noises as the bones snap and rearrange themselves, combined with the visual of his hands, feet, and jaws, growing and forming into something inhuman, were very effective. The gore, while not shockingly new or original, worked well enough, and there were a few great moments of action and destruction during the Wolfman's nighttime rampages. Lawrence Talbot's first night as a werewolf, in particular, was a wild, well-executed action sequence that culminated in a fearsome decapitation.

Unfortunately, it is when the action stops, and the talking starts that things start to get boring. The detail that is visible in the character's surrounding environments, isn't found in the plot line. While we see characters fearfully casting silver bullets and locking their doors at night, we never get a great sense of the roots of the town's fears and superstitions. Does everyone in the town believe in werewolves, or is it merely an underground superstition? How far back does the town's relationship with monsters go, and how deeply rooted is their superstition? I realize that it is implied that the small town folk believe in werewolves, while the more educated elite view these superstitions as delusions. Still, I would have liked more detail as to how and why such beliefs came to be.

Similarly, most of the characters came across as a bit one-dimensional. While Benicio Del Toro's weathered face seems like a perfect fit for a heavily stylized monster film of this type, his acting mostly felt flat and unemotional. Anthony Hopkins' character made for an interesting villain, but needed to be fleshed out more. He was interesting in that he reveled in things that his son detested, making him a great contrast to our lead character. The problem is, I never really got a good sense of why he took such great pleasure in the darker side of life, other than the fact that it added an extra twist to the storyline, and allowed for an extra fight scene. The one character I did enjoy here was a Scotland Yard investigator, played by Hugo Weaving. He was delightfully sarcastic, and perfectly believable amongst the fog of the English countryside.

While The Wolfman has its faults, it also has its strengths. It's not the new definitive werewolf movie, but it's no Twilight either. Those who venture out to the theaters to see it are in for an enjoyable, yet occasionally frustrating experience. That said, those who are truly interested should make the trip to see it, if only to witness bone-crunching transformations on the big screen, and in stereo sound.

Lady Gaga: A Review and Conclusions

2010-02-18T19:18:00.000-08:00

"We're Plastic but we Still have Fun": Gaga After and Before

I didn’t like Lady Gaga at all the first I heard of her. Her songs would blare out of the stadium near my abode during football games and so I associated her with drunk sports fans. I had heard of her early on because ads for “Just Dance” would show up on the internet. Then she became really huge. “Just Dance” flew to number one and then she released “Poker Face.” It was that song that thawed Gaga for me. “Poker Face” is one of those timeless, eternal dance-pop songs with huge, international appeal. It went to number one everywhere.

The first time I listened to her debut album “The Fame” I wasn’t wholly impressed. But listening to the songs, they really grew on me to the point that not a day goes by I don't listen. While she owes most of her signature sound to producer RedOne, the songs have catchy dance beats with admittedly silly lyrics. But those lyrics get stuck on repeat in your head! “LoveGame” was released and I exhausted it by overplaying it. Then came “Paparazzi”: it’s a dance song but a ballad and has a great melody. It’s still powerful. Album tracks “I Like it Rough,” “Boys Boys Boys,” “Money Honey,” “Paper Gangsta” and “Starstruck” share identical throwbacks to 80s, dark, urban-synthpop. “Beautiful Dirty Rich,” and the “Fame” are rock tracks with a dance vibe to them. The only song worth skipping is “Brown Eyes.” “Eh Eh” and “Summerboy” have Caribbean vibes and take repeated listens to grow on you.

I eagerly awaited the release of her second album, “The Fame Monster.” “Bad Romance” was an epic first single, almost bigger than “Poker Face.” Almost. It’s still on heavy rotation on my mp3 player. “Telephone,” the next single, fizzled out fast for me and isn’t that good. Skip “Speechless” and “Teeth.” The former is boring and sung terribly, and the latter sounds like a leftover from a Christina Aguilera album. But “Alejandro,” an homage to ABBA and Madonna, is buoyant and bubbly. “Monster” is the best song on the album. Its eerie, dark, industrial beats and captivating robotic cry of “he ate my heart” makes it standout from the rest. “Dance in the Dark” is purely magnificent. It starts off like a machine slowly gaining momentum then bursts into full speed. The rap is a complete rip off of Madonna’s “Vogue” but the quality of the track forgives the thievery. “So Happy I Could Die” contains subject matter I don’t find appealing (do we really need to know Gaga touches herself while drinking red wine?), but the melody and lounge atmosphere of the track redeems it.

Gaga’s aesthetic didn’t make sense at all to me until I saw her “Monster Ball Tour.” A blend of old-school video game graphics, glow in the dark lighting, bone-like costumes, and odd videos, the “Monster Ball” was just pure fun. She’s contrived, manufactured, and weird-for-the-sake-of-weird but she likes it that way. “We’re plastic but we still have fun” she sings in “Paparazzi.”

But is she the next Madonna? I am hesitant to make the comparison. She doesn’t really address religious issues in her music. Madonna’s whole message is a blend of the sexual and the spiritual. Gaga’s is more of a pretentious attempt at “performance art” with a heavy dose of sex. Whereas Madonna’s sexual explorations were intelligent (perhaps even coldly calculated), Gaga’s sexual persona is smutty and seamy. In layman’s terms, Madonna would be in an art museum, Gaga in the local adult movie store. But then again, they’d probably like that.

Madonna is still active, so it’s not a good idea to dismiss her or dethrone her. If anyone, Britney Spears will enjoy the longevity and solid success that Madonna has. She continues to move to a new audience while keeping her old one. Britney is an icon in her own right. Beyonce and Rihanna are ubiquitous, but they are not all pop. While they have crossover appeal, their music appeals primarily to the urban community. After their prime passes, it is there that they will continue to enjoy success.

Is Lady Gaga good? Certainly. Her songs are catchy and fun. And I can't remember being this obsessed with an artist in a very long time. I listen to her music incessantly. I follow her every move. Is she the next Queen of Pop? She has a lot of time to develop as an artist, so let’s not make hasty pronouncements. “Eh, eh, there’s nothing else I can say.”

Update: Found this on Youtube. Gaga preforms Paparazzi whilst in the snare of a 40 foot Tentacle Monster on the second leg of the "Monster Ball Tour." What could be better? Perhaps simulated tentacle rape on stage, and I don't so that because I like it but because it would extremely hilarious. But what does this even mean? If it's a metaphor for "paparazzi being monsters who destroy lives" that's not very original. The monster is kinda kawaii!

Edward and Bella: the New Lizzy and Darcy?

2010-02-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

Stephanie Meyer was inspired by Pride & Prejudice when writing Twilight. The parallels are obvious, but let’s not get into a debate about plagiarism here.

Edward, the vampire, is very arrogant (some say abusive). He doesn’t condescend himself to talking to Bella (granted, because he really wants to bite her). Bella is a frustrated that he avoids her, and pursues him relentlessly until he reveals his secret. Edward and Bella are young and attractive (though their real life counterparts, Rob and Kristen, need to shower and lay off the weed).

RPattz and KStew: How can two people change looks so much?!

Sounds familiar? Replace the names with Darcy and Lizzy and you have the romantic structure of P&P. Perhaps Jacob Black is the Mister Whickham of the story! (But don’t even get me started on the wolf and all his hormone crazed tween fangirls).

But Lizzy and Darcy are enduring. Their romance continues to inspire and move readers. Edward and Bella are part of a teen craze, that will inevitably be superseded by the next big thing. (I can’t wait for those ‘where are they now shows’ that show old teen heartthrobs recovering from addiction and working at a pool concrete business a la Christopher Atkins from The Blue Lagoon. Kristen Stewart may very well wind up doing toothpaste and eyelash medication commercials like Brooke Shields also of The Blue Lagoon. I have nothing against The Blue Lagoon, I loved it as a kid. We at "Something's Wrong with Esther" like Brooke Shields, she's just an easy example).

Brooke Shields: Actress turned Shameless Celebrity Product Endorser

Until then, we can enjoy Edward and Bella as an appetizer, but Darcy and Lizzy will always be the main course (forgive this bad metaphor).

A Monster is Born: Gojira (1954)

2010-02-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

Godzilla has starred in twenty-eight films, has won numerous awards, and is an international icon beloved by children all over the world. Not bad for a fictional character. Especially when you consider that this character's first film was a dark, not-so-subtle metaphor for the horrors of nuclear warfare.

Many Americans have never seen the side of the Godzilla legend that is presented in Gojira (1954) and therefore are missing out on an important part of the monster's origin story. Unfortunately, it wasn't until 2006, over fifty years after the movie premiered in Japan, that the original subtitled and uncut version of Gojira was released on DVD in the United States. Up until this point, the only version of the film that was widely available on home video in the United States was the heavily cut and dubbed American version (known as Godzilla: King of the Monsters). The American version, while lovable in its own right as a piece of campy '50's science fiction, does not handle the original story with much care and accuracy. Nearly all of the political messages and illusions found in the original Japanese version were cut so as not to turn-off American viewers.

The political messages in Gojira, while occasionally heavy-handed, are absolutely essential to the storyline. Even Godzilla's first attack, which results in the sinking of a small fishing boat, is a clear reference to a specific nuclear accident, in which United States nuclear tests caused the contamination of the cargo and crew aboard the Lucky Dragon No. 5, a Japanese fishing boat. Viewed in this historical context, Gojira is haunting. Gojira 1954 is, arguably, the only Godzilla movie that is interested in its human character as much as it is interested in Godzilla himself. Here the monster is merely a metaphor for the nuclear threat. He does not have a personality as he does in the later films. This Godzilla does not does not dance and play with children, here he is much more animal like.

In regard to the human characters, this film features my all-time favorite, non-monster Godzilla character: the eye-patch wearing Dr. Serizawa. Serizawa is the type of scientist that only exists in the movies. He's reclusive, lives in a house that resembles a castle, and is tormented by the terrible power of his inventions. Serizawa is the tragic hero of the film. He holds the secret to defeating Godzilla in his invention, "the oxygen destroyer". True to its name, the oxygen destroyer is a device that sucks all the oxygen out of the surrounding water it is placed into. But while it is an object that could prove to be the last hope for humanity, it could also, in the wrong hands, be used as a devastating weapon. It is for this reason that Dr. Serizawa is extremely conflicted. Should he save the world from Godzilla only to hand humanity the keys to further devastation in the form of a deadly weapon? Of course, in the end, Serizawa decides to use the oxygen destroyer to vanquish Godzilla, but only at great personal sacrifice.

Godzilla himself is a powerful, intimidating force in the movie. It was because of budgetary issues that special effects director Eiji Tsuburaya decided to portray the monster as a man in a suit (he had originally wanted to animate Godzilla using stop motion techniques similar to those in King Kong). The resulting "suitmation" technique would become a staple of the Godzilla films. True, it does not look "realistic", but I personally love the look of the Godzilla films and would not be happy if the monsters look different than they do now. The detail in the handcrafted buildings that Godzilla destroys are very impressive. Thanks to the human actor underneath the Godzilla suit, the monster's movements look natural. He moves and reacts to his environment similar to the way in which a real animal would. Backing Godzilla's rampages through Tokyo is a rousing soundtrack, which is topped only by the iconic roar of the monster himself.

Gojira is a genre classic. Anyone with any interest in movie monsters, specifically those from Japan, obviously need to see Gojira in its original, uncut form. It is a film with a serious political message, yet it also manages to be very entertaining and engaging while teaching its lesson. As far as Godzilla goes, he has never been more menacing than he was in this movie, as he lumbers out of the water and into the city under the darkness of night. Godzilla's introduction, his head appearing over the crest of a hill, is a classic moment. On the other hand, Godzilla's death at the end of the movie is sad, in its own way, despite his role here as an unfeeling terror.

Pillow Face

2010-02-15T18:38:00.000-08:00

Pillow Face. No, that's not a killer (even though Hedorah is right, it would make an awesome murderer name). Pillow face is a treatment that's all the rage for the over 50s in Hollywood right now. It involves injections underneath the skin of the face to plump up, rather than pull back like a face lift, the skin. Nicole Kidman has had it. And so has Madonna. Madonna's arms are frightening, as are her gnarled Palpatine-esque hands. Exhibit A:

But her face is still really beautiful. (Left: 1986. R: 2009). Her job relies on her image. If she isn't sexually desirable, or beautiful, then her records won't sell. Celebrities are products that are bought and sold based on image. Lady Gaga is not spectacular in the looks department, but she uses her assets to her advantage (ie, covering up her face with weird head pieces). Fergie is known more for her "lady lumps" than her amphibian face. And Madonna, more than any of these singers, knows how to manipulate her image. So, while plastic surgery may be obvious in her case, the results speak for themselves. She can look in the mirror at night and admire at her beauty (I'm sure she does already). Her male fans from the eighties, that still like her that is, can admire her beauty. And her looks will sell a few more albums and a few more concert tickets until her time is up.

A Rant About Imdb

2010-02-15T14:22:00.000-08:00

Imdb is a great website, but only if you use it as a resource (as Esther would say of all the Internet). But things go downhill when it comes to the message boards.

Two things run in common with them:
1) The given person is considered hot.
2) The given person's sexuality is questioned.

1) Some people are really good looking. I'm sure you're thinking of that star right now. Obvious answers are Brad and Angie. But what of less traditionally attractive people? Sure, your average looking celebrities can be attractive when they try. But some people are just plain ugly. Case in point: Timothy Spall. I mean no offense whatsoever by calling him ugly. He's a fantastic actor. In fact, he seems proud of his looks (or lack thereof). His roles include rat people and the cruel headmaster of the orphanage Oliver Twist attends. He is brilliant! But brilliant looking? No. However, his board has some posts of people passionately avowing they consider him attractive! I guess in the imdb world, anything goes. Maybe it's his personality (he is colorful)...but no, they insist upon trumpeting about his looks.

2) There are plenty of gay celebrities out there: Ian McKellan and Ellen come to mind. But no, imdb message boards are not contented! Obvious heterosexual celebrities (I'll use Brad again) have questions posted on their boards that are hotly debated (is Brad gay?). This man breeds like crazy, adopts like crazy, and exudes masculinity (except for the beard that looks like bayou moss he now sports, tsk tsk Mr. Jolie). But then again, everyone said that about Erroll Flynn and Rock Hudson... but I digress. Even Ian McDiarmid, who played the evil Emperor Palpatine in the Star Wars films with grace and sublimeness (that's not a word but it works), has his sexuality questioned.
I really don't know where I'm going with this... just that imdb message boards are quirky! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I guess people just really like discussing celebrities' sexuality.

On TV: Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

2010-02-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

“Northanger Abbey” is re-airing on Masterpiece Classic on PBS tonight. It originally showed in their superb “The Complete Jane Austen” season in 2007.

This adaptation is excellent. I cannot say that enough. Catherine Morland is a country girl who is marked by extreme naiveté. She goes to bath and meets a gentleman (who, to her delight, is an expert is muslins!) by the name of Henry Tilney. Mr. Tilney is a stereotypically Austen gentleman. She befriends another girl who turns out to be of base morality, and Catherine herself causes some hurt feelings by falling into the traps (albeit innocently) of the hideous Mr. Thorpe (really, he’s ugly). Mr. Tilney invites Catherine to Northanger Abbey, where Catherine’s naiveté truly gets out of hand. She suspects Tilney’s father of murdering his wife. You see, Catherine is reading “The Mysteries of Udolpho” and her fantasies seep into reality. The end is truly magical, when Catherine apologizes to Tilney and they wind up happily together.

“Northanger Abbey” is not typical Austen. It is a satire of the gothic trend that pervaded her time. But fans of horror, mystery and romance will greatly appreciate it. It has humorous moments (especially Catherine’s fantasies) and the gothic parody scenes are great, because the tale actually has a dark mystery!

NA is beautifully shot, and the music is wonderful. The Irish countryside substituted for Bath and its environs is a lush green. Felicity Jones is at the top of her game as Catherine Morland: she is sprightly, naïve, and her looks are pixie like. She is truly ethereal. JJ Field gives depth to an otherwise one dimensional character, as Mr. Tilney. Carey Mulligan, an awards season favorite for her turn in “An Education” this year, is as always good in this as Catherine’s flirtatious friend.

This story also contains Austen’s best inside joke. Tilney admonishes Catherine when he discovers she thinks his mother was murdered by saying “Perhaps after all it is possible to read too many novels.” The irony and wit is delightful.

If you’re in for a scare, a mystery, a laugh, and heartfelt moments, give “Northanger Abbey” a go. It’s entrancing.

Track of the Week: What is Love?

2010-02-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

It’s a new week, and in honor of Valentine’s Day we’ve chosen a love ballad. But this song is really about someone trying to find love, because they’ve been hurt in the past. So this isn’t exactly a love ballad. But we at “Something’s wrong with Esther” are known to eschew the rules.

“What is Love?” by Jennifer Lopez from the album “Love?”

Sure, I know what you’re thinking: Jennifer Lopez?! Why, why, why? But this song is actually uplifting in its own way.

This a leak from her forthcoming album “Love?” due sometime this year. J-Lo isn’t a spectacular singer, nor is she the best actress (but her romcoms are better than her songs). Yet “What is Love?” manages to soar, albeit unexpectedly.

If you’re thinking the melody sounds familiar, you’re right. “What is Love?” blatantly steals the melody and “na na na na” parts from Nelly Furtado’s masterpiece “All Good Things” and the Pussycat Dolls’ touching “I Hate this Part” (yes, PCD can be touching when they want to be). Both were decent songs in their own right, so the combination of the best parts from both manages to strike gold in this song.

The song starts off with a hip hop/dance beat similar to the songs it steal from. What makes this song shine is J-Lo’s vocal work. Her voice has never sounded better, especially in the end when she belts out over the choruses. The lyrics are actually poignant, reflective and touching, and semi-autobiographical.

Is it original? No. It actually sounds like any other ballad on the radio. Is it decent, in its own way? Listen and decide for yourself.

No illegal activity was intended by posting this video. Go and buy the album when it comes out to make up for listening to this.

Should've been Nominated: Public Enemies

2010-02-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a movie comes across that you absolutely love, but bombs at the box office and fails with the critics. “Public Enemies” was one such movie.

The true story of John Dillinger and his capture, “Public Enemies” was a good movie. Filmed on location in Wisconsin, Indiana and Chicago, the movie transported viewers back to the flapper era, when gangsters were celebrities and money was stolen, not earned (it was the Great Depression).

First the weak points of the film: It dragged in some parts. When Dillinger walks into the police department shortly before his capture, the scene slowly moves along, with shots of Johnny Depp slowly looking at pictures while cops are distracted. The ending took forever.

The good parts: the action was solid. Vintage cars with gangsters and cops with tommy guns was reminiscent of “Bonny and Clyde.” The locations were really amazing. An inn where Dillinger stayed was really used. The theatre in Chicago were he was shot at featured in the movie. The music, a combination of banjos and electric guitars, was rollicking (and apt for a 1930s gun slinging gangster flick). The direction and cinematography was superb, as the film had the feel of a black and white movie.

The luminescent Cotillard as "Black Bird"

The best part was the acting. I am by no means a Johnny Depp fan. (Fangirls, I’ll say it, he’s ugly). But he really worked as Dillinger. He had the right amount of criminality and suaveness to play the part. Marion Cotillard, a favorite of “There’s Something wrong with Esther,” was impeccable as usual. She played Dillinger’s girlfriend, “the Black Bird.” She conveyed the right amount of worry and thrill. The role potentially could have been one dimensional (say, if Jessica Biel played her) but Cotillard can give any role depth and significance. And who can forget Christian Bale? He is consistently good. Whether in big blockbusters, or small indies, he often carries his films. He played the detective that pursued Dillinger. He mixed the essence of Dean Martin-esque coolness and appeal with determination. Cotillard and Bale worked best together, especially in the scene where he carries her, crying after being tortured, out of the police station.

We think Cotillard should have been nominated as Best Supporting Actress, at least for her stint in “Nine” or this movie. Bale should have received a nomination, or at least a Golden Globe nomination. Cinematography and Original Score would have been nice too. That Sandra Bullock could get nominated for the “Blind Side” (Really, Academy? Really?) and such excellent films as “Nine,” “Public Enemies,” and “The Road” should be snubbed is a real shame.

A Land Unfit For the Living: R-Point

2010-02-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

R-Point (2004) is a Korean thriller set during the Vietnam War. The movie begins with a static-filled cry for help over the radio. There's one major problem with this however- the group of soldiers calling for help over the radio were presumed dead before the radio transmissions. In fact, the one remaining survivor of this group claims he witnessed their deaths firsthand. In response, the South Korean army assembles a rag-tag group of soldiers. There mission is simple- travel to "R-Point" and find the missing soldiers. If they make it back, they are promised a ticket home. Unfortunately for them, nothing that goes into R-Point comes out intact.

R-Point is a hot spot for paranormal activity. It is a piece of land that, as one of the characters explains, is unfit for either the living or the dead. The ghost elements of the story are very well done. Things unfold slowly, and while this might be a turn-off to some viewers, I found it to be a very effective way of letting the atmosphere and tension crawl under your skin. R-Point is a (relatively) quiet film. It is best viewed when you have the time/inclination to sit down and think about it.

...Because you will need to spend some serious time thinking about it. If I had one major complaint with R-Point it would be that it is, at times, frustratingly confusing. But while this aspect makes the movie, at times, infuriating, it makes the storyline intriguing and mysterious. I tried to guess as to whether my confusion comes from being an American who doesn't know much about Korean myth, or if it was an intentional thing. We may never know. What I do know, from doing a bit of reading online, is that this confusion is pretty standard amongst American audiences.

Regardless of my, and some others, confusion, it's clear that there are some great ideas and concepts in R-Point. In particular there are some really striking visuals to be found; blood drips from an old radio that's covered in cobwebs, a soldier stands in what appears to be an empty field, only for a strike of lightning to illuminate the rows of graves next to him. The sounds of R-Point, from the static filled radio transmissions to the jingle of bells, also provide a percentage of the required creepiness.

I think that's about all I can say about R-Point without spoiling the strange, haunting journey it takes you on. Ghost movies don't always work for me. In particular, Asian ghost stories often inspire boredom in me more often than they do fear. That said, I enjoyed R-Point. Regardless of my confusion during parts of the film, I couldn't stop watching. I found the movie overall to be very haunting and atmospheric. I also found myself more emotionally connected with these characters than I do in many in other supernatural horror films. Often, I cared when a character died because I knew he was, flaws and all.

To those who have the patience, I recommend R-Point.

Thank you for the Memories Oprah

2010-02-13T13:18:00.000-08:00

Legend. Philanthropist. Hero. Oprah Winfrey has come a long way from the tar shacks of the rural south to the living rooms, and hearts, of the world.

Oprah announced recently that her show is ending in September 2011. Her show has been a staple of American culture for 25 years. Its end is both fitting and tragic. Through the years Oprah has entertained us all with celebrity guests, sensational real life stories, and life improvement episodes. She has led us to “live our best life.”

Who can forget all the moments, so numerous they are they cannot all be named. Tom Cruise jumping on the couch. A hundred year old who just learned to read. Oprah’s birthday celebrations. Gayle and Oprah’s road trip.

Every episode, every moment, every laugh, every tear has marked an important part in the lives of many people.

As Oprah said in her tearful heartfelt announcement, we have grown up with her. We have let Oprah into our homes for an hour everyday, but she changed our lives forever.

Thank you, Oprah. Thank you for all the memories. We love you.

The timing is right. She has been doing this for so long, that it’s just business for her. She’s changed from championing the common person to basking in her own arrogant triumph and wealth. She commands legions of housewives to consume whatever product she throws at them. Oprah, like many good things, can go on for so long that they outlast their prime. All good things come to an end.

Oprah gained weight again by eating Organic Garden of Eatin' Blue Chips, which are bland and stale tasting. Oprah humiliated an author for lying to her. Oprah won an election for Obama.
Oprah uses corporate gifts as her own for her giveaway episodes. Oprah is celebrity obsessed and has abandoned the common man.

But Oprah has a school for girls, whom are her daughters (even if she all but steals them from parents). Oprah has a best friend in Gayle, who is beyond friends, beyond family. Oprah has given away a lot of money. Oprah singlehandedly made discussing sexual abuse and weight issues acceptable.

Oprah, like all of us, is human. But her legacy and her mark on entertainment is undeniable.

Should've been Nominated: The Road

2010-02-13T07:55:00.000-08:00

A father and son walk alone, avoiding the roads, in a post-apocalyptic world. They learn from each other about love and life. The father and son "carry the fire"--a fire that cannot be extinguished by time or death.

This is the premise of The Road, a faithful and moving adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's Pulitzer Prize winning masterpiece.

Why this movie wasn't nominated for Oscars is really beyond us! I mean, why, why, why?!

The Road's cinematography was arresting. As Hedorah commented upon seeing the film, the devastated world, shot in bleak greys and whites, was actually beautiful. The scene where the father places his wedding ring on an overpass contains extraordinary visuals: the grey concrete against a grey sky evokes the father's relationship with his wife.

The acting was incredible. Precious was carried by the tour-de-force performance of Mo'Nique as Mary, the abusive mother, but The Road contained a bevy of impeccable performances. Viggo Mortensen's portrayal of the father conveyed the unconditional love he had for his son ("you have my whole heart" he says when dying). Kodi Smit McPhee's youth didn't hinder his abilities, of note is the scene where he cries to his father "I am the one. I am the one who worries." Even Charlize Theron did a wonderful job as the restless and depressed wife who one day walks away from everything, into the fiery black void. But the real scene stealer was Robert Duvall as the Old Man. Hearing him speak of the world before the cataclysm was amazing. His eyes teared up when he spoke of his son. He was angry, upset, and grateful all at once. Even the moment when he (humorously) vomits up a can of DelMonte peaches shows the toll the world has taken on him.

And who can forget the thrills of this movie? Whether encountering a bunker full of bodies waiting to be consumed (the gasp worthy scene of "help us" proves our point), a band of marauders consuming their dead friend, or a woman and daughter being chased near a set of skulls on spikes, this movie was thrilling. We lament the absence of a particularly grisly scene from the book, involving a pregnant woman, a fetus "extracted" therefrom, and a fire and spit.

This film deserved acting Oscar nominations for Viggo Mortensen (Lead), Robert Duvall (Supporting), Koti Smitt McPhee (Supporting), and Charlize Theron (Supporting). The cinematographers deserve Oscar nominations. We even wish it had been given Best Picture and Best Director nominations. And if anyone ought to have won, it would have to be Robert Duvall.

"Even if you knew what to do, you wouldn't know what to do."

[on death] "We can't afford such luxuries in times as these."

A Sad Valentine: My Bloody Valentine (1981)

2010-02-12T23:27:00.000-08:00

For the inhabitants of Valentine Bluffs, Valentine's Day means more than just Hallmark cards and dinner reservations. You see, it was on a Valentine's Day, many years ago, when an explosion in the mine left a group of workers trapped inside. Only one of the miners, a man named Harry Warden, survived the accident. However, by the time he was rescued, his sanity had left him entirely. One year later, on the anniversary of the explosion (aka Valentine's Day), he returned to take revenge on the workers whose negligence caused his entrapment in the mine. Harry Warden was captured by the police, but, even now, twenty years later, his dark deeds still haunt the local population, whose Valentine's Day traditions are now plagued with fears and superstitions.

Such is the set-up to the 1981 Canadian slasher film "My Bloody Valentine", a movie that was remade (in 3-D, no less) last year. While I had heard of this film before it was remade, it wasn't until after seeing the remake that I felt compelled to track this one down. I was glad I did. While on the surface it looks like it could be just another derivative 1980's teen horror film, it has a surprising amount of originality and creativity.

One of the major things that makes this movie work for me is the setting. Valentine's Bluffs is a small town whose centerpiece is the local mine. If there was ever a location that was seemingly made for these types of movies- it would be a mine. Small, dark, maze-like, isolated, and claustrophobic, it is the last place you want to be whilst running from a killer with a pickax. Not all of the movie takes place in the dark interior of the mine, of course. It isn't until the end when a group of the kids end up in the mine, alone and, at first, oblivious to the murders that are occurring above them.

Let's talk about these murders for a minute- simply put, they're awesome. Despite the fact that our killer has nothing on him but a mining suit and a pickax, he manages to get pretty creative with the kills. Harry Warden (or is it really Harry Warden?) is adept at using his environment to maximum impact. Showers, washing machines, and boiling pots of water are all used for devious purposes. The special effects highlight Harry's bloody deeds excellently. I know this movie is over twenty years old, but the effects are still pretty impressive. One scene of note involves a man whose eye gets poked out with the pickax-the result on screen is gruesome and effective.

Harry himself makes for an entertaining character. He is covered from head to toe in miner's garb, with his face hidden behind a gas mask. His ominous, Darth Vader-style breathing provides an interesting audio accompaniment to his violent deeds. There's also the mystery as to whether or not it is actually Harry Warden himself behind the mask. I won't spoil anything, but observant viewers shouldn't find the ending too terribly shocking.

My Bloody Valentine is, in my opinion, a top-notch slice of entertainment for those who enjoy slasher films from this era. Just one parting note- for those who are interested in this movie, make sure you watch the extended cut, and steer clear of the theatrical version. My Bloody Valentine was heavily cut for theaters and, as a result, the theatrical version of the film is virtually bloodless, and slightly choppy. The extended version, which is available on the DVD, features none of these problems. True, the added footage is a bit grainy, but it won't take anything from your enjoyment of the film.

Masterpiece's Emma is television at its best

2010-02-12T17:35:00.000-08:00

Masterpiece Classic recently aired three part series “Emma,” a wondrous and sprightly adaptation of Jane Austen’s timeless novel.

“Emma” is the story of Emma Woodhouse, a silly teenager who considers herself a matchmaker of the best sort, though she most certainly is not. Her immaturity provides for some entertaining and endearing moments. Emma is so busy meddling with people’s love lives that she doesn’t realize the man of her dreams literally lives next door: Mr. Knightley, the perfect gentleman archetype of all of Austen’s novels.

This adaptation surpassed the older A&E one with a miscast Kate Beckinsale. This “Emma” was sharp, dazzling, vibrant and engaging. The acting was impeccable, of note is the scene when Knightley confronts Emma in the drawing room about hindering the engagement of Harriet and Robert Martin. The two verbally duel in a battle of morals that showcases Austen’s wit.

The colors in this series were captivating! Whether a scarlet gown, or verdant hedges, or auburn wood chairs, the color palate the art director employed was enriching to the overall series.

And we of course cannot fail to mention the characters. All of them memorable and humorous, the acting of this “Emma” never failed. Accomplished actor Michael Gambon played the warm but preoccupied Mr. Woodhouse. Blake Ritson, of 2007’s “Mansfield Park” played the bumbling but attractive Mr. Elton. Romola Garai, of “Atonement,” played the titular Emma Woodhouse, in all her immature but lovable glory. Jonny Lee Miller (who, like Ritson, played Edmund Betram in a previous adaptation of “Mansfield Park”) played Mr. Knightley, Emma’s stern but passionate neighbor.

As for the quintessential question of Austen, which of the gentleman in this “Emma” wins our approbation and highest regard? Mr. Elton. Though a total fraud and rather comical, Mr. Elton has the right combination of looks and charm. When he proposes to Emma in the carriage, you’ll both cheer and laugh. A marvelous combination indeed.

“Emma" had been low on my list of favorite Jane Austen stories, but this series may just move it up a spot. Though it didn’t win over audiences in Britain, American audiences haven't yet tired of Austen adaptations. If ever you are in the mood for a droll and enchanting series, check out “Emma.”

Counting Down the Top 5 Soundtracks of All Time

2010-02-12T16:48:00.001-08:00

Soundtracks are what make film perhaps the greatest medium of artistic expression. There is nothing so moving as a stirring score playing over stunningly shot scenes. This combination of the visual and the auditory makes film a unique experience.

Join us as we count down the top 5 soundtracks of all time:

5) “Gladiator” 2000. This sword and sandal epic is a triumph for director Ridley Scott. But it is Hans Zimmer’s emotional and uplifting score that really made the film great. From the ending, when Maximus dies in the coliseum, and the emperor’s sister gives a rousing speech, to the moment when his slave friend says goodbye, the score is positively emotive and griping. This truly is a beautiful piece of music, conveying the height of greed and decadence, but also the inspiration of one man.

4) “Gone with the Wind” 1939. Max Steiner’s score is as epic as the movie itself. The main theme, “Tara’s Theme” conveys the sweeping, stirring drama of the greatest movie of all time. As the words “Gone with the Wind” move across the screen, the music thunders. The result is an impressive moment in film. The most compelling scene in the movie is when Scarlett vows to never starve, and as the film comes to intermission “Tara’s Theme” triumphantly echoes her emotional resolve.

3) “The Last of the Mohicans” 1992. Composers Trevor Jones and Randy Edelman contributed to the score. Edelman’s synthesizer music is very good, but it is an obvious rip-off of Vangelis ala “Blade Runner” and “Chariots of Fire.” It is Jones’ stringed instrumentation that really carries the score into greatness. Interpolating Scottish tune “The Gael” into the soundtrack, the tension between the fiddles reach crescendos that match the romance of the film, and the breathtaking vistas of the Blue Ridge mountains. The last 10 minutes or so of the movie feature just standout track “The Promontory” playing, with little or no dialogue, as the film reaches its beautiful and devastating climax. A contribution by Enya’s former group Clannad, “I Will Find You,” makes a montage of the group pursuing the villainous Magwa absolutely affecting.

2) “The Piano” 1993. Michael Nyman constructed a gorgeous score for Jan Campion’s Oscar winning film. Relying on the eponymous piano, Nyman’s score manages to make the piano sound like an orchestra unto itself. The piano is the voice for the mute main character, and thus the songs in the movie have many moods. Stand out tracks are “The Promise” and “The Heart asks Pleasure First,” which convey the romance and drama of the forbidden relationship and the mystical danger of New Zealand.

1) Star Wars 1977-2005. John Williams took the sublime creation of visionary George Lucas to a whole other level with his score. Both profound and moving, Williams and Lucas made a risky decision to use a classical score for a science fiction movie made at a time when the electronic sounds of disco ruled the airwaves. Who can forget the sweeping majesty of Luke looking at the twin suns while “The Force Theme” plays? Or the rollicking Cantina band playing to a crowd of otherworldly patrons? The “Imperial March” is synonymous with “Star Wars” itself. More recently, the prequel trilogy featured memorable songs like the chant-heavy “Duel of Fates,” the exuberant “Augie’s great Municipal Band” during the parade and the romantic “Across the Stars.” And nothing is so amazing as the main theme. Whether thundering in a theatre or in your living room, the main theme is unparalleled. 2009’s Star Wars: In Concert was a privilege for this blog to have seen. Truly iconic.

(Note: all clips and posters are property of their respective owners/copyright owners.)

Non traditional Kawaii

2010-02-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

So there are many things that are kawaii (cute) that most people wouldn’t think so. But we at “There’s something wrong with Esther” believe that kawaii is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes something so ugly is too cute. Babies? Pass. These not-yet-developed humans are not cute: they are dirty and needy. Parasitic NecroBorgs from “Meatball Machine”? Definitely kawaii! Who wouldn’t find their squeaky breathy vocalizations and jerky movements endearing?

So, without further adieu, here is a countdown of the top 5 shouldn’t-be-but-are-kawaii fictional characters:

5. Ryuk from “Death Note.” Ryuk is deep. Like the Olympian gods, he loves to meddle in human affairs. He drops a death note into the human world and watches with amusement as a teenager, Light, reeks havoc on the fellow humans. He looks like a demon so he shouldn’t be cute. But the kawaii factor are his eyes. Anything with huge, googly eyes that dig deep into your soul and scream out “I am cute, you need me!” can entrance you.

4. The roach from “Wall-E.” Bugs are not cute (Hedorah would vehemently disagree). But this little guy is so loveable. He is fiercely loyal, humorous and captures everything a side kick ought to be. Wall-E is traditionally kawaii but children’s films sidekicks sometimes eclipse their hero companion. This cockroach can infest our home anyday.

3. Hedorah from “Godzilla vs. Hedorah.” Al Gore could learn something about how to promote a green message from Hedorah. A flying, shrill pollution creature that terrorizes Japan, Hedorah is repelling. But this pollutant in a psychedelic world is worthy of the title of kawaii. He is reminiscent of a plushy and his vertical eyes are really adorable.

2. Kuato from “Total Recall.” A deformed baby sticking out of a fat man’s chest. Anyone normal (i.e. unappreciative) would think that’s ugly. But this “modern day George Washington” is every bit the underdog: his form makes him easily overlooked but he is a leader that inspires the best in the mutants on Mars. Open your minds to him, and you may just begin to understand that Kuato is kawaii.

1. Jabba the Hutt. Obesity isn’t cute. Neither is a giant reptilian, slimy body. Nor are hedonistic sexual habits. And really, nothing about Jabba the Hutt is traditionally cute. But something about this corpulent creature is so kawaii. Maybe it’s the large eye factor, or the teddy-bear like body, but Jabba the Hutt seems like someone who you would love to hug. His personality pushes you away, but because of that you want to comfort him, tell him it’s going to be ok (watch out for the slave girl chain!). Somehow, everything ugly just magically fits together into a cute form with Jabba. We love you, Mr. Hutt!

Sick Nurses: Its Insanity Knows No Bounds

2010-02-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

Going into Sick Nurses, a 2007 Thai horror film, I wasn't expecting a cinematic masterpiece. I wasn't even expecting something too terribly creative. As long as it was at least moderately entertaining, and as long as there was at least a little bit of fake blood splashed across the screen, I would've been happy. In the end, Sick Nurses exceeded my expectations, not because it was a brilliant piece of storytelling, but because it is one of the most bizarre, nonsensical, and entertaining things I have ever experienced.

The wondrous journey that Sick Nurses takes you on is a little slow to start. The beginning of the movie moves about as slowly as an earthworm crawling through pancake syrup. Honestly, the beginning is about as cliche Asian horror story as you get. A gaggle of young, attractive nurses, working under a young, corrupt doctor, murder one of their own. The reason? Well, it appears that this nurse threatened to go to the police regarding the hospital's side operation- selling dead bodies on the black market.

The nurses go about their vapid lives until, seven days after the killing, the spirit of the fallen nurse comes to back to take bloody vengeance on her murderers. As I said, up until this point its pretty bland. Even the dead nurse's look is generic Asian horror- complete with the standard long hair masking half her face.

It isn't until a good chunk of the movie that's things get bizarre, and consequently, really fun. You see, all of these nurses have major flaws (one is a greedy material girl, a set of identical twins are so in love with their own looks that they have a borderline incestuous relationship...you get the picture). In a surprisingly clever Saw-esque twist, the nurses' respective flaws are brought back to haunt them by the vengeful spirit. It is here that Sick Nurses shines- the nurses' deaths are bloody, creative, and shockingly funny. I wouldn't dare to spoil what is one of the most outlandish deaths in film history, but I will give you a small taste of what to expect- it features a severed jaw and fetus spontaneously leaping out of a jar. How can people say originality is dead?!

As you might have guessed by now, the mayhem of Sick Nurses is played more for laughs than scares. This is a movie that, if they have the patience to sit through the mediocre beginning, will be enjoyable to fans of the blood-soaked splatter comedies of Japan (The Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, etc.) While Sick Nurses is nowhere near as frantic as those movies, it shares the same gloriously perverse sense of humor, and in-your-face special effects.

Lastly, if you stick around 'til the end you will be rewarded with a weird, weird, weird twist ending. Despite (or because of?) the fact that this twist is completely unnecessary, it makes Sick Nurses all that more enjoyable, hilarious, and awesome.

Track of the Week: Revolver

2010-02-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

So this may be the start of a new feature of the blog, track of the week...nor will they all be Madonna songs.

"Revolver" by Madonna, from the album "Celebration."

"Revolver" was issued as a single using this One Love remix. It is short but assuredly sweet. The album version is horrendous: it sounds like the most trite Top 40 American music you'd ever hear. An obligatory Lil' Wayne cameo, Madonna's cheap attempt at getting radio play and sales, marred the track. Loud, crashing music overpower Madonna's voice. I even detected some auto-tune, that over-used bane of music. The album version sounded a lot like Britney's "Radar" and was unlistenable. Fortunately, Warner had its screws tightened right when it decided to issue its last Madonna single. Remixed by David Guetta (producer of the Black Eyed Peas), the One Love remix of "Revolver" takes dust and turns it into a diamond. Madonna's voice is clear, not drowned out as on the album version. Her singing on the choruses harkens back to the high pitched vocals of her youth. The choruses are catchy and will easily get stuck in your head. The song ends with Madonna showing off her singing talents by holding her note on the melismatic glory of "I line them up and watch them fall." The lyrics expertly and intelligently compare love to a murder weapon, while the music is electronic and pop at its most current best (the song very much has the sound of '09). I'm glad David Guetta rescued this song, it turned out to be solid gold, without the Lil' Wayne rap, and by highlighting what Madonna had always done best: singing catchy lyrics over a dance track.

As of this post, "Revolver" is at 5 on the Dance Charts, and will probably be her umpteenth number one. Esther can't really climb up to the top of the real chart anymore...

(I stole this video from YouTube and couldn't find a version without the Lil Wayne rap, I apologize to your ears in advance).

The story about our name

2010-02-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

"Something's wrong with Esther," was the tagline for the 2009 film "Orphan." While the film was of dubious quality, it's tagline speaks volumes of another Esther -- in this case, pop diva Madonna. Madonna's Kaballah name is Esther, which means Star. She is a star, and a wonderful human being (in this case the meaning that Han Solo expresses to fellow hedonist Jabba the Hutt). So, our name signifies Esther: a mean individual who nonetheless commands our adoration.

Enjoy!