Clash of the Titans: Cute Creatures and Sam Worthington

*minor spoilage below*

I went into Clash of the Titans with some trepidation. Though I will always have fond memories of the original, this new movie was entertaining in its own way. The story deviated in that they condensed some elements and added new ones. The major change was the character arc of Perseus, who wants to prove his humanity by fighting like a man rather than using his abilities as a demigod. In the original he didn’t question the gods. They added the character of Io, played by the beautiful Gemma Artenton, who is the new Keira Knightley as far as I am concerned.

The CGI is great, and I don’t think 3D is necessary for this movie, having seen it as 2D. Pegasus’ wings are really realistic, and the Kraken is impressive. Medusa fell short: she wasn’t as terrifying as the original stop-motion Medusa; I think there were too many distractions in her scene and the CGI tail was pretty fake looking. A major annoyance in the movie was a religious zealot who goes after the royal family of Argos, but the other actors were really good, most of them being familiar faces to Masterpiece Theatre fans. The bad guy with the scar from Casino Royale pops up, as does Colin Firth's TCAP pedophile-bait from A Single Man. There were lots of cute creatures in this, my favorite being the Gin people. They resemble the helper that worked with Scotty in the new Star Trek, but with awesome black magic powers. A sentient severed hand even appears. The witches with the oracle eye were really well executed. I was awestruck by Charon, he was a skeleton twisted into the sinews of the wooden shop he pilots.

The jokes were a little conventional, but endearing in a Pirate of the Caribbean sort of way (though without the obnoxious water wheel and Keira-Johnny-Orlando banter). The training scene, though short, was cliché. Sam Worthington shined in this movie, and I’ll pay $10 again to watch him save the day in a Greek warrior tunic. He was his normal serious self, but mustered a smile (I counted twice in the movie) which was a departure for his otherwise predictable performance. His chemistry with Io was a treat, and I wish they did more with that story. The ending was different in that he doesn’t wind up with Andromeda, but there’s a nice twist in the end (though they could’ve shown them kissing).
Sam and Gemma: Great On Screen Chemistry

This isn’t better than the wonderful original, nothing can beat the mechanical owl, but it is a decent movie and I wound up really enjoying myself. This felt very Jerry Bruckheimer, and I think Guillermo del Toro could've made magic with this movie. 4 stars out of 5.

Sticky & Sweet CD/DVD Review

Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet CD/DVD or BluRay set was released this week to stores worldwide. The packaging is glossy and has a booklet of album credits and fantastic pictures by Esther’s longtime manager/agent Guy Oseary. The CD and DVD follow the same motif of the tour and the Hard Candy parent album.

The DVD is presented in surround sound with a widescreen ratio. The direction is not as choppy as that of the Confession Tour release, and there are more shots of Madonna, but being a Madonna show, the visuals of her background screens and dancers are highlighted, as is the crowd: a 60,000 throng of Argentines, pining in rapture for a glimpse at a rather small woman whose ego is so massive the stadium itself can’t engulf it. The sound is cleaned up, and her vocals are too. This is a real shame, because I love Madonna’s tour voice: it’s really strong. However, just when one thinks the vocals are too cleaned up, we get a familiar off-key, flat, or screaming note. I don’t think they edited the vocals per se, as I remember seeing the tour and my brother commented that her microphone sounded pitched higher.

The CD is the same audio as the DVD and can go with, or without the visual experience. It’s so Madonna to include Spanish Lesson, a universally derided song, on the CD as a defiant stroke to the public. A Madonna show isn’t complete with politics, and her Get Stupid video juxtaposes scenes of violence with hopeful figures, like Oprah. Madonna’s onscreen and onstage persona is larger than life: in one moment she can go from being a bitch, a sex goddess, to the Commander. It is in this last role that she is her most convincing; after gloriously belting out a song she hears the audience chanting her name in adoration, ordering more, she lays down on the catwalk, literally basking in the love. So many moments, whether beating up past incarnations or exposing a vest that has her name on it, are meant to pet her ego. Her dancing is perfectly timed, her singing is on cue, and her looks and banter is rehearsed: through a whirlwind of hits she is imperious. Even video cameos by Britney Spears, Timbaland, Kanye West, JT, and Pharrell, get lost in her midst. Madonna is the star of the show.

The musical arrangements are updated. Like a Prayer becomes a fierce rave backed by fiery screens. Into the Groove is a colorful tribute to her friend Keith Harring. Ray of Light and Hung Up are dance-metal infusions. Songs from Hardy Candy get a second wind, whether the swirling Heartbeat or the thumping Spanish Lesson. Madonna’s vocals shine on You Must Love Me, Don’t Cry for me Argentina, and Miles Away, as she strums a guitar; a rainstorm surrounds her as she belts out Devil astride a piano. The only embarrassing moment is when Madonna humps an amp with her guitar, the distorted frequency matching the cringing of the viewer. But all the while Madonna is beaming, transforming herself into a giddy 16 year old girl living out her wildest fantasy. Lots of jeers and sneers, the occasional smile, and hours of unforgettable hits leave the audience with the message Game Over: the Commander is in charge.

The behind the scenes documentary recalls her Truth or Dare and I’m Going to Tell You a Secret docs, but sadly this one is way too short. I love that smooth voice during the voice overs, telling us her message of unity. I love her diva personality, obsessing over the details. “I’m a gypsy,” Madonna says as her reason for taking back her many vows to quit touring. Madonna takes herself too seriously, but we do too. And that’s where the connection lies.

A+

Kirstie Alley's Big Life

I am big fan of celebreality shows and of Kirstie Alley so when I heard she was doing her own show I was excited. Kirstie is most known for her Star Trek role and her stint in Veronica's Closet. Her television show Fat Actress, a fictional take on her own life, was sadly short lived. Kirstie is hilarious and her show Kirstie Alley's Big Life, Mondays on A&E, is an expose on celebrity and weight loss and gains tackled with deft humor and some deep moments.

Kirstie is a natural, funny and engaging, and her show focuses on her big life: it's a busy mix of work and keeping up her house (and life) along with raising her two kids and tending to a cage full of lemurs, and on top of that she's really fat and trying to lose the weight. Her staff is heavily featured, and they are the only drawback of the show. Sure, their exploits are humorous and their interaction with Kirstie entertaining, but I can't help feel like she allows her self to be used and taken advantage of by being friends with them, rather than maintaining a professional relationship. They're lazy and annoying.

The deepest moments are when Kirstie's relationship with fame is explored. Such as when her most recent appearance on the Oprah Show was highlighted, and she muses about 15 minutes of fame. "You can never decide when it begins, or chose when it's going to end, but you can make the most of everything in between."

I also recommend Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Tori Spelling is the daughter of the late TV mogul Aaron Spelling (Charmed and 90210 are among his many credits) and famously left a life of millions to marry Dean McDermott, a z-list actor from Canada. Her life is a roller coaster of trying to get over her wicked mother and dealing with the pressures of her recently (re)expanding fame, while raising her infant children. She acts in her own life which makes it seem so fake sometimes, and conflates the drama in her life to annoying proportions, but her relationship with her friends, husband, and children is touching because it's the only genuine thing in her life. People who have said Tori can't act need to look no further, she's can't turn off acting. Tori & Dean airs on Oxygen. I also recommend her first book sTORItelling. It's a great examination of her life, and helps clear up the tabloid gossip that seems inescapable in her life.

Track of the Week

"The Time of Our Lives" by Miley Cyrus.

It's pretty pathetic at first that Miley is the track of the week this week. But Miley is ubiquitous and thus hard to escape.

This song, from her most recent (and eponymous) album is actually a stunning slice of pop. On one hand the song is so sad that I can't bear it, but on the other, it's a celebratory anthem of youth, however transient being young is: "let's have the time of our lives 'til the lights burn out." People grow up but that doesn't mean you can't live life when you're young. This is surprisingly deep for Miley, a bildungsroman song. This is one of the first songs in a long while to move me so much; it makes me want to tear out my eyeballs and put them in acid because the pain of that would be easier to process than the emotional pull of this song.

There's a mellow dance beat that picks up during the chorus, mirroring the melancholy-triumphant dichotomy of the song's theme. Her vocals on the choruses sound robotic almost, but it's not as bad of a use of auto-tune as in hip hop. Her smokey vocals have emotion to them rarely found pop music, and she can belt out a tune when she wants to.

RIP Caresse Henry Norman

Caresse was Madonna's manager for many years. She served the Queen through her Drowned World and Reinvention Tours. It is rumored that Caresse was fired/quit in 2005 after Madonna discovered her affair with a security guard. According to the sources, the Kaballah has a strict zero tolerance stance on infidelity. I'm sure it's easy for Madonna to cut of contact with people--she's done it before--but Caresse was a personal friend and professional manager.

Liz Rosenberg, Madonna's longtime publicist, released the details of Caresse's family and did not confirm whether or not Caresse actually committed suicide, as was previously reported. Madonna has not released a statement as of yet. Caresse worked with Paula Abdul and Ricky Martin among others. Paula Abdul's twitter was noticeably blank on any mention of Caresse.

Caresse will be remembered by most for her appearance in the Youtube video "Madonna Being a Bitch" which features Madonna being a bitch to Caresse. "Caresse, you have no idea. I can't take it."

Hellhounds: You Get What You Pay For

Hellhounds recently broadcast on SyFy channel; being a loyal viewer of their Saturday movies, I had to watch it. I'm sure they chose to air this movie because of Clash of the Titans' release. Kleitos, a Greek warrior, married Demetria, a Grecian princess. On their wedding day, she is captured by Kleitos' jealous best friend and taken to Hades. She dies but is revived. However, as Kleitos and Demetria make their way to the Seer that can save Demetria forever, they are pursued by a pack of Hellhounds. These, I believe, are based on Cerberus, the three headed dog of Greek mythology. They get to the Seer and she manages to figure out how to save Demetria, but sacrifices herself. In the end, the evil best friend is defeated and the hell hounds with him.

This movie is a case of getting what you paid for. They didn't spend much money on this movie, but it wasn't to the film's detriment. The costumes were great. The special effects for the Hellhounds were actually on par with the werewolves of New Moon (I guess that's not saying too much, from a certain point of view). I look forward to lots of gore, but this film didn't have that much. The acting was wooden in many parts, but at the least the leads were good looking enough to make up for it. I liked the Seer character, she could get a little cliche in parts, but her acting was good and her all-black eyes were good visual effects. There's a scene in a village where Demetria magically gets new clothes and Kleitos' brother is expected to carry a tray of apples on a horse that is laughably bad, but the well meaning intentions of the scene make up for it. The fight scenes in the woods are well shot, especially the horse riding moments, but the Hellhounds just weren't scary enough.
Kleitos and Demetria: Pretty People in Need of Acting Lessons

I'd watch this over 300 any day for its so-bad-it's-good qualities (the film itself is oddly endearing in its underdog way), but when all is said and done (that's an ABBA song, by the way) this movie needed scarier dogs and more blood, guts, and gore.

The Making of Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland was filmed almost entirely in front of a green screen. According to Wikipedia, Johnny Depp actually wore lavender colored contact lenses to avoid getting sick. Much of the cast and crew felt nauseated by being surrounded by the green screens for hours on end. The film was shot in conventional 2D and was later converted to 3D, earning the criticism of James Cameron, who advocated shooting in 3D.

Promotional stills released from The Visual Guide to Alice in Wonderland reveal that only the actors and costumes were real, and the entire setting was CGI. This resulted in a relatively short shooting schedule, 40 days in total. The sequence when Alice falls through the roof and sits upside down was shot right-side up, with a tall wig replicating the look of hanging hair. The deck of card and chess piece soldiers were portrayed by motion capture actors, while Cheshire Cat was all CGI. A veteran commerical actor was hired to preform the Fudderwacken sequence.

Johnny Depp said the character of the Hatter was easy to portray, as it just came out during filming. His casting and that of Helena Bonhome Carter was obvious, as Depp has been in many Burton films, and Carter is the mother of Burton's children. The film's storyline is self contained, thus a sequel would be unnecessary, but welcomed nonetheless.